The dangerous realities of dating

When my freshman counselor asked me why I wasn't at the group discussion on date rape, I remember telling him, "I was busy. I think I was trashed at some frat party with a bunch of horny senior guys, but I don't remember," and laughing. The date rape discussion sounded like a waste of time to me.

Aside from the fact that date rape doesn't happen at a place like Yale, it certainly wouldn't happen to a person like me. I don't believe in premarital sex, and I'm careful about the kind of guys I date. I hardly ever drink, and when I do, I make sure that I'm with friends who are going to take care of me. So I'm definitely not at a high risk for date rape. If you're smart about who you go out with and how you carry yourself, you don't have much to worry about. Especially here.

Take the night of the winter formal. I didn't even get a date. I went with my best friend instead. He seemed like one of those classic "nice guys," the type who calls everyday, sympathizes with your problems, and brings you soup when you're sick. He stayed at my house over Thanksgiving break, took my sister to the movies, and went grocery shopping with my mom. He could have gotten a real date to the dance, but instead he went with me just because he's a "nice guy." The world needs more of his type.

He brought me flowers--after riding his bike 14 miles in the rain to find just the right type--because he's a "nice guy." He took me to the Chart House for dinner...because he's a "nice guy." He held all the doors, made perfect conversation, and kept telling me how nice I looked. Yes, he was definitely a keeper. Everyone should have such a great friend, I thought.

Because I had friends like him, I never even imagined that date rape could occur at Yale. How could a rapist be on the same campus as my sensitive, caring, wonderful friend? Yale men are simply too intelligent to do something that barbaric and stupid.

After the dance that night, he asked me to come over for a minute because he had a surprise for me. He had decorated his room with roses and candles, and had bought a bottle of champagne. Nice guy. If you pick the right type of friends, you get wined and dined, not raped.

Normally I don't drink, but this time it seemed OK. Sharing a little champagne with a friend isn't dangerous. I even ended up drinking most of the bottle because I felt safe.

By the way, if you don't drink often and have a low tolerance, drinking a bottle of champagne quickly can get you drunk. I don't advise it...unless you're with a really good friend. Then it's safe, because they'll take care of you.

It was four in the morning by that time. I was really tired, so I passed out on his couch. Normally, sleeping in some guy's room isn't advisable, but when he is your best friend, it's fine.

When I woke up, he was having sex with me.

It can happen to anyone.

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