More than blue blazers: Yalies debate diversity

By Koi Anunta

Are you lonely?

Does your life just lack that ethereally essential sense of snap, crackle, and pop?

Do you often find yourself longing to meet someone with similar interests?

Or do you just want to be part of something meaningful, something worthwhile, something beautiful?

Well, kiddies, your worries are over! Check out http://www.yale.edu/yaleinfo/studentrorgs.html, where a wild orgy of sensuous delight and pleasure awaits you! With just a simple click of the mouse, you can get in touch with hundreds of people who have the same interests as yourself and are just dying to meet you! Whatever your preferences are, from the quiet to the kinky, Yale has something to suit your needs. Just listen to the words of these satisfied Yalies:

"...I always had this ardent passion for Jewish a cappella singing. The feeling, the emotion--I never thought that I would ever consummate that passion in college. Then I discovered Magevet at Yale! My world has never been so fulfilled."

"Ohhh! I can't say enough about guys, more guys, and even a few girls in blue blazers and khaki pants! [Dreamy, drawn-out sigh.] Joining the Conservative Party changed my life."

"Well, have this Asian fetish. Asian women, Asian food, Asian film, Asian women eating Asian food in an Asian film. It all came together for me at Yale with the Asian American Students Association. And then there's the Chinese American Students Association, the Korean American Students of Yale, the Kasama (Phillipine-American Club), the Vietnamese Students Association, the Yale South Asian Society, SATAY (Thai-American Club). I just can't get enough!"

"Dude, it's the bands! It's all about music, yo. The music scene is so hippity-whack, here, like the Rhythm Method and Blue Fountain Diner and Party of the Righteous--right on, man! Like alterna-babes are hot, yo! Yo, yo, mackety-mack with the raunchety-raunch, you know what I mean, yo?"

"I had dreamed a dream in days gone by that I would be an actress [left arm thrown out to the side] on Broadway [right arm thrown out to the side]. With fifty-odd shows going up a year here, we [chin up] are always kept busy [blink]."

"Football! I love football! All I can have to is, Handsome Dan is one awfully cute college mascot. I mean, what the heck is a Cantab? Does anyone really know? I'm sure those Harvardians, Harvardites, losers--whatever you want to call 'em--don't even know."

"I'm afraid that I can't comment now. I am not at liberty to reveal any secrets, especially if they deal with a society." [Replaces hood, mask, and stalks silently away into the night.]

Ahhh, the strength of diversity that upholds Yale! (I promised that I would mention that phrase in at least one sentence.). Seriously, though, Yale is all about being different and discovering and learning about the differences of others and enjoying those differences in each other and thus hooking up with many different others. Oops! Did I say that? Slip of the tongue--so get out there! You made it, you're in, so enjoy life, enjoy Yale, and most of all, enjoy life at Yale!

(As you probably have guessed, these are neither the direct quotations nor even the actual sentiments of authentic Yale students. These are, in fact, the warped ramblings of one Yale student in particular attempting to deal with a serious topic through the embodiment of the opinions of stereotypical Yale students in a style approaching bawdiness and was not meant to be offensive or rude or boring.) Back to the Freshman Issue...