Section for Dummies: all that you need to know

Disclaimer: The author of this article is in no way suggesting that section should be considered insignificant or without value, even though he, like most average people, thinks it is.

Terminology

Section (a.k.a. Discussion Section): Weekly meeting where students from lecture class meet in small group. Usually about 15 people.

Mandatory Attendance: Indicates attendance is mandatory.

The Reading: What your TA (see TA below) said you were supposed to do.

Some of The Reading: What you easily could have done.

Talk about how so-and-so almost hooked up with so-and-so: What you did.

Cliff's Notes: Horribly irresponsible and dishonest method of gathering information otherwise available in The Reading. Cost: $4.95 + tax.

People

TA: Teaching assistant. A grad student who conducts section. Paid too little to care about anything, including own appearance. Speaks perfect Russian. All papers and problem sets are graded by the TA. Attempting to refute a grade is always worth the effort. Grad students have more work than any human could complete in any given period of time, so they will be sympathetic when you whine about your busy schedule. However, do not attempt to become friends with them, as you will eventually see them at a restaurant or on the street, thus making it harder to pretend you didn't know them.

The Cool People: People who didn't do the reading. They make up the majority of the students in section. For the first time in your life, it is easier to be cool than not.

The Sleeper: Student who sits furthest from the TA, holding her head in her hands and pretending to read an open book, while actually sleeping through class. If the Sleeper is ever called on by the TA, she should respond: "Post-modern thought dictates that shifting paradigms in post-modern thought render the author's work obsolete and even offensive." It's fun to throw things at the Sleeper.

The Studious One (TSO): There is one TSO in every section. You can rely on this person to have done The Reading and to have formed a comprehensive analytical theory about the subject at hand. TSO often asks questions that confuse the Cool People, and that the TA may not be able to answer. The TSO will receive a better participation grade than the Cool People or The Sleeper, but participation grades are a laughably low percentage of your final grade, so who cares?

The Bearer of Sadly Erroneous Redundancy: This person has done little or no reading, but wishes to convince everyone else that he has. Though it may be possible for him to confuse the TA by using fancy language, his classmates will immediately recognize him for what he is--a BSer. This student will attempt to recycle other students' comments by changing the statement's words and/or grammatical structure, while altering the content in no substantive way. To the unobservant, this "new" comment will inspire a vague feeling of déjà vu, but no conscious recognition. This is what the BSer wants. The Cool People should enlist the help of the TSO to discredit and ridicule the BSer.

Laugh at This Loser: There is frequently a loser who did all The Reading but completely misunderstands it. He will ask questions that only a dunce would ask and answer questions only an idiot would try to answer. Laugh at him. It will make you feel better next time he is you.

Accentless Wonder [Language Classes Only]: Inevitably, in language classes there is a student who does not believe that pronunciation is necessary, as if accents aren't important in learning the language. Who does she think she is, a TA? In Spanish, she'll pronounce "gracias" as "grassy iss." In French, "merci" is "mercy." And in Japanese, "arigato" becomes "a regatta." A fun experiment: each time the AW mispronounces a word, roll your eyes, shake your head, and make a face like it smells.

Parting words

There are several other types to look
out for, but they are mostly people to laugh at because they look funny. On a related note, most sections have at least two good-looking people. For more on this, see my upcoming piece, Scoring in Section for Dummies. Now test yourself with the quiz.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Questions to Ask Yourself

1. Do I really need to go to section this week?

2. Should I do The Reading?

3. Now that I've done The Reading, what should I do?

4. I don't feel like doing The Reading. What's on TV tonight?

5. That kid's book is creased, what does that mean?

6. What would Stone Cold Steve Austin do?

7. What would the RZA (from the Wu Tang Clan) do?

8. What would Dr. Seuss do?

9. Is it reasonable to get a Dean's Excuse (a pardon for absence or late work) for section?

10. Am I ill?

Answers

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