Take your clothes off—and put better ones on

Do you remember the first day of elementary school? New teachers, new friends, new clothes, and new glue to eat—how exciting! Not much has changed since then, except for maybe the glue ingestion part. Going away to college ups the stakes on those innocent childhood expectations. Now, school is about much more than marbled composition books and Pink Pet erasers. When in New Haven, one must do as the Yalies do. This means getting your mind, soul, body, and closet ready for anything that day—and night—life has to offer.

FILE PHOTO You're not on FOOT now: Frumpy Yalewear doesn't cut it on nights out.

As far as daytime wear goes, weather and walking distance tend to take precedence over all sartorial savoir faire on campus. New Haven seasons tend to be like Slurpees—they're cold, wet, long, and occasionally give you a headache. Since there is no room for an ark even in the Cadillac Escalade, your clothing will have to perform and look fresh all at once. For footwear, sneaker chic still works in a pinch. The New Balance and Saucony vintage editions, and even the new North Face shoe line, will take you to and from class, campus, and clubs while keeping you dry and comfortable. Speaking of that venerable mountain climbing company, nothing at Yale has quite the presence or price tag as North Face and its uppity suburban cousin, Patagonia. Private school chic and utilitarian protection have crossed paths on the fashion forecast. While a shell or a fleece is indeed necessary, Yalies tend to push extreme gear, to, well, the extreme. Patagonia is like Pringles as it pops up non-stop on jackets, shirts, hats, and even bags. Unfortunately, there are no sporting goods stores in New Haven besides Trailblazer, but you can take your Jeep Grand Cherokee, Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, or Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo out to the Connecticut Post Mall to find the latest Synchilla vest and matching pants.

While you may be prepared for inclement conditions, you must also be prepared for more unusual circumstances. What if, instead of a rainstorm, a party broke out on Yale campus? Although you can count on a blizzard more than on a rambunctious good time, this school can still throw your closet a few curveballs if you're not prepared. From fraternities to college balls, you will need more than one change of formal wear to impress your date. Unfortunately, shopping in New Haven will leave you with little choice or, worse yet, with the same outfit as someone else. Women should bring something with a sexy slit, subversive print, or precious detailing. For men, both navy blazers and khakis are uninspired, especially if your date is looking fabulous. You should mix it up with gray pants, a dress shirt with stretch and color, and a subtle, though not mono-"Regis"-chromatic, tie.

That being said, things get a bit funkier during the course of the school year. For Exotic Erotic, Timothy Dwight's annual Caligulistic celebration for the scantily clad, all you'll need is duct tape, bubble wrap, and a pair of scissors if you're a girl, and a single tube sock from the Gap—or Baby Gap—if you're a guy.

What our age taketh from trick-or-treating, the annual Pierson Inferno party giveth to our Halloween experience. Perhaps the most important trick is staying cool, as the throngs tend to get sweaty shaking the night away in a dining hall. For DKE's Mortician's Ball and Toad's annual costume contest (you will never beat a townie), don't forget to bring your most clever and breathable costume and see how many people you can grope before the night is over. In addition to the usual devil and ghost looks, interesting costumes have included a shipwrecked investment banker and the guy with the boombox from Say Anything. Even without an official event, every college coed at one time or another will inevitably be forced to dress as one of the following: a hillbilly, a Hawaiian native, a doctor, a nurse, or a police officer.

If there's one thing you shouldn't dress as, it's a Yalie. I feel I should pass this last kidney stone of wisdom to all those eager ears out there—for God's sake, don't wear all your Yale gear! Be content with letting your parents strut their oversized Yale paraphernalia, because, as Shira Brisman, BK '01, wisely said, "Wearing a Yale shirt on campus is like sitting in your living room wearing a tee-shirt that says `Home.'"

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