Sick of frats? Check out Yale's party suites

It's Saturday night, and the crew is waiting outside for you to finish getting ready. You suck in your stomach, peel on your black booty pants, and stick a few essentials in your back pocket—your lipstick, your fake ID for Toad's, a condom, and your cheat sheet to the best on-campus parties at Yale. (Bonus: this list won't expire after three months.)

FILE PHOTO Booze, barbecue, and a few friends...life as a Yalie is good.

Lawrence Hall on Old Campus is home to the Lair, the Vault, and the Jungle, three first-floor suites with long-standing reputations as party rooms. This year, the Lair's debauchery reached its pinnacle with Futurissimo, when the hosts covered the walls in silver foil and tended the bar in white jumpsuits. The only other true Old Campus party suite is the Stash, located in McClellan. With a full bar and extensive lighting, the Stash held some terrific events, including Kama Sutra, the freshman class's only naked party.

Most other party suites are located in the colleges and are populated by upperclassmen. Among the largest of these are Calhoun's Bookworld and Room 466. You'll hardly need to know about their parties in advance, because you'll see crowds pushing to get in on the next game of beer pong on Bookworld's own porch, which is much nicer than a typical fraternity basement. Jonathan Edwards' Sextet features a built-in bar, a dance pole, and the occasional friendly visit from Master Gary Haller. The Silliman Beach Club hosts Tequila Monday on the first Monday of each semester, while Timothy Dwight features The Cave, a basement suite with the nicest bar on campus. Other major party suites include the Branford God Quad and the Morse Sexplex.

In Pierson and Davenport, party suites are separated from the larger dorm buildings, and they house seniors who've promised to keep up such disturbing traditions as Davenporn in the Davenport Cottage. This year, Cottage members admitted only those dressed as porn stars, covered their walls with raunchy magazine clippings, and served shots from a giant paper-maché phallus. Pierson's Cottage is responsible for the Tuesday Night Club, a weekly keg party every Tuesday night.

Chances are, every weekend one of these party suites will be throwing a bash while making sure that thirsty Yalies can circumvent Connecticut liquor laws. So get your nose out of your books, your thumb out of your anus, and start to enjoy yourself like a seasoned party veteran.

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