Victimes de la mode: dissecting Yale fashion

While you can always pick up a generic pair of pants from the Gap, an overpriced Nicole Miller dress from Seychelles, or a funky t-shirt (that every other Yalie will have and also think is "funky") from the newly opened Urban Outfitters, you must remember to pack your clothes wisely. Several fashion styles dominate campus—"style" construed loosely.

EUGENE WONG

Boarding School/Suburb of Boston, Washington D.C., Philadelphia: When you get back from FOOT, don't send your Smartwool socks home with mommy just yet—you'll need them here at Yale! FOOT chic is a special combination of North Face, Nalgene, and New Balance. The North Face logo plastered across the front of fleeces, raincoats, vests, backpacks, down jackets (and now shoes!), haunts many of us in our sleep. Patagonia—for the truly preppy—is also a favorite among those who live in "Boston" ("Well, I mean, I don't technically live in Boston, but it's like a 15-minute drive away"). If you're going to dinner, wear your Groton lacrosse t-shirt (your older brother's, of course) and don't forget to bring your Nalgene water bottle—which must have at least three pieces of duct tape on it, left over from FOOT. To class, wear corduroys, those Patagonia swim trunks, hooded sweatshirts, a vintage t-shirt that you "just found in your room" or you "stole from a friend," and anything with your fancy prep school's name on it. As for shoes, beat up old-school New Balances, any kind of Birkenstock (clogs preferred), or your old Adidas Sambas will suffice.

New York City: If you're a New York City type, also wear North Face, but in a more "prep-school gangster" kind of way. Girls should wear North Face jackets with tight black pants and platform boots while the guys wear theirs with baggy khakis and old school Nikes. Herve Chepalier bags for girls are a must, and Louis Vuitton pochettes along with Fendi baguettes are very common. Tiffany's heart necklaces should always be worn with a cashmere sweater and a silver Swiss Army watch. If you're more of a downtown type and want to pretend that you didn't really go to a fancy private school on the Upper East Side then wear lots of vintage designer clothes (that you didn't get at the Salvation Army) and Camper shoes.

California: Wear lots of clothes that are completely inappropriate for New England weather. Complain. Talk slowly and think you're better than the rest of us.

Eurotrash: Wear black, shiny, tight, and stretchy clothes that "are really all the rage in Paris." Black leather trenchcoats and Prada eyewear are optional. While smoking a Marlboro Red and wearing your Nikes, complain about American cultural imperialism.

Jock: If you want people to know that you're a varsity athlete, you don't have to try too hard. Just wear a t-shirt that says Yale _______(your sport here). But if you're a swimmer, please don't wear those hideous long warm-up jackets that go down to your toes. You may be a varsity athlete, but that is really no excuse. For girls and guys, Reef flip flops are a necessity. Wear anything Abercrombie. For going out, guys, wear a checkered button down shirt and khakis. Whether you wear your baseball cap forward or backward, make sure that it is white and frayed and looks as if you wore it through a monsoon.

Girls, wear skanky tank or tube tops and skirts that are way too short. Wear lots of glittery makeup and never forget to blow dry your hair.

Artsy: One word: paint. Make sure all of your shirts and pants have little bits of paint splattered on them as if you have never washed them. Guys, don't ever cut your hair and be sure to wear stupid, ironic t-shirts. Girls, wear scarves in your hair and clothes that don't go together—like skirts over pants. Either wear all black or completely obnoxious patterns and colors that don't match even a little bit. Wear Chuck Taylors from eighth grade that you've worn for so long that you need to duct tape the toes. Make it look as if you don't care at all about how you look and you just "threw something together" at the last minute when you actually spent two hours getting dressed.

Dorky: If your mom still buys your clothes, you might fall into this category. Wear khakis that are too short and your socks way too high. Don't forget to pack "novelty" XXL t-shirts ("Hookt on Foniks workt for mee," "Stop Plate Tectonics," "Spam") and shirts from the high school organizations you were president of ("Property of Northeastern High School Department of Mathletics"). If you're a girl, wear Keds and take the laces out. Monogrammed LL Bean backpacks and tube socks are required accessories.

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