I go walking after midnight...uh, after 2 a.m...

It's 2 a.m., Friday night. The sit-down restaurants and clubs are closed. Any on-campus party or event shut down long ago. Your friends are out of commission, felled by sheer exhaustion, lying on the beds and couches where they'll remain well into next afternoon. You, however, are out on the streets, still hungry for action. Good. You're one of the Strong Ones. Forget your friends; in the late-night scene, you've got to screw the weak and shoot the stragglers, because only the strong find the Real Fun. With a combination that is equal parts creativity, stupidity, and sheer balls, it is possible for an entertainment-starved Yalie to keep the party going through dawn.

For a successful romp in the wee hours, the first thing you need to do is tell that annoying little bastard Common Sense to shut the hell up, cuz he's not going to do anything but get in the way of a good time. Listen: if it's fun and if it's well past midnight, chances are that you're going to have to shove what mommy told you far onto the back burner for a few hours.

The first places to check for strange goings-on are the 24-hour establishments like Krauszer's, Gourmet Heaven, and 21 Broadway. Example: at 4 a.m. one morning I witnessed a man walk into a store and begin casually urinating on the fruit cooler before being shooed out the door. These are the kinds of people you want to seek out. The crazier the better, because once you get them talking, they'll teach you some interesting stuff. Do you know the best course for American politics to take in the 21st Century? Know what "Lucky Strikes" really means? Are you aware of the insidious societal constructs that keep decent men down in the gutter? I do, and you can bet that I didn't learn any of that good stuff in a Yale classroom.

While at Yale, you will do well to keep in mind an important Universal Law that the aforementioned street people are well aware of: rich kids throw away good stuff. Thus, dumpster diving is not only a highly enjoyable activity, but also highly profitable. Past dives have turned up mechanical rats that sing "Wild Thing," working stereos, expensive clothing, and hundreds of dollars in textbooks.

Still, while dumpsters are fun, they're not terribly exciting. Say hello, then, to the Dixwell-Whalley intersection. The infamous crossroads is prime turf for late-night thrill seekers. This area has a reputation as a hot spot for fiends and heavies, so play it cool when stomping here unless you're keen on a broken skull.

That said, the Holiday Inn stays open all night, and if you get your kicks by talking to lonely desk clerks and getting free shampoo and soap (I didn't pay for shampoo my entire freshman year), be sure to drag yourself down there. Once in a while you'll get really lucky and run into drunk businessmen in the lobby. Like street people, they are usually ready for long, ridiculous philosophical conversations.

For those who have both a skateboard and an ability to avoid the long arm of John Q. Law, there are a number of Yalies who live and die by night skating. On campus, Becton Plaza and the parking lot next to Tyco Copying are popular. If you're willing to push your luck, there are a number of fine places off-campus for late night runs, such as the Med School parking garage. Just be warned that the cops are always out and ready to apprehend skateboarders who don't follow the rules of the road, so if this is an activity you want to pursue, make sure that you're either familiar with the laws concerning skateboarding or really, really fast.

If crazed street people, dodgy hotels, flights from the po-po, and dumpsters aren't your scene, the Yale campus itself provides some opportunities for the sort of good, clean fun to which you're accustomed. Old Campus and the residential colleges all have impressive sprinkler systems that go on late at night. Several colleges—Davenport and Ezra Stiles especially—have some great trees for climbing.

Late nights at Yale, you better get used to the fact that entertainment isn't going to be thrown into your lap. No; here, the only fun you'll get after 2 a.m. is the fun that you make yourself, and damn the consequences.

Graphic by Shawn Cheng.

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