Events: the good, the bad, and the naked

Yale's Tercentennial celebration provides an excellent opportunity to look back on 300 years steeped in tradition. Here, the Herald goes through some of the most important (but not necessarily time-honored) of Yale traditions.

Naples Night (Every Thursday—freshman year only):

This one is simple: Beer plus pizza equals good time.

Tap Night (September):

Thomas Jefferson once said of Yale that "not only are the women dandy but the singing groups are not all crap." He was right. And you'll hear all about singing groups during your first few weeks here. They hold concerts, auditions, and singing desserts—all culminating in Tap Night, when they hunt down the choicest freshmen, bless them with membership, and then take over their lives and souls forever. "Screws" (Intermittent):

Reading the facebook 85 times finally comes in handy. You pick out a hottie (or a nottie) to be your roommate's date to your residential college dance, and, in cahoots with the other party's roommate, arrange for the lucky couple to meet. Students find their dates by running around Old Campus performing ridiculous feats (i.e. "Look for the girl serenading a box of Cheerios"). Just don't go too overboard with the embarrassment—you'll be getting screwed too. Halloween:

The Yale Symhony Orchestra plays a live soundtrack to its own original film, featuring sexy student acting and humorous faculty cameos. The concert, which no Yalie from President Levin on down misses, follows up Halloween festivities. The Game (November):

It's a football game. But it's more than that. We hate them. They hate us. The only difference is that they really suck. Their parties suck. Their campus sucks. They just suck. And so we shove it down their throat every November in the classic showdown of good versus suck. Yale has won the past three episodes of The Game; perhaps the annual trouncing of Cantabs will become a new tradition in and of itself. Holiday Balls (December):

Twelve residential colleges, 12 themes, 12 chances to score—all in one night. Before finals set in, throw on your dancing shoes and get set to boogie down to the festivities presented by each college. Past themes have included reggae, Latin/salsa, swing, and, of course, top 40. The Pundits Streak (End of reading week):

The Yale academic calendar includes a whole week devoted to "reading." This is an invitation to sleep for some or to toss a frisbee on Old Campus for others. For Yale's elite prankster society, the Pundits, reading week is a time for public nudity. They parade naked through the libraries, stopping at every desk to distribute candy the midnight before finals begin. You'll look up, you'll look down, but you certainly won't look at your books. Study Breaks (during finals periods):

What do you need most after 12 solid hours of sitting motionless in the library? Why, food, of course! Several times throughout finals, college Masters lay out sumptuous spreads of high-powered brain foods such as smoked turkey, petits fours, sweet and sour meatballs, and Diet Coke. You may not be studying, but at least you're not buying Slim Jims from Krauszer's. Freshman Olympics (April):

Residential colleges face off in a day-long festival of unconventional sports. Frosh frolic and gambol about Old Campus in three-legged races and moonwalk competitions in an atmosphere of general merriment. Winners are declared in the categories of highest turnout and highest points. Upperclassmen occasionally roam the scene, also looking to score—free food. Spring Fling: (End of second semester):

Campus-wide, day-long party and BBQ the weekend before reading week. Enormous inflatable rides and games are trucked into Old Campus, as are ice cream, popcorn, and cotton candy.

The winners of the Battle of the Bands, such as crowd favorite Nutz in Your Mouth, open for the big act (Ben Harper this year). The perfect invigorating kick-off to a week of partying. Sex in the Stacks (Much more often than you think):

Break free from your cramped double. Put some excitement into your life (and the sad lives of nearby studiers). Naughtily raise the temperature in the climate-controlled bookstacks. They say you haven't really loved 'til you've "re-read the Classics..." Toad's (Weekends; when you have no shame):

The world-famous Toad's is just around the corner—and the club knows how to take care of Yalies. Be one of the few and proud as you strut your stuff on the dance floor and get that bootylicious rump displayed on the "booty cam." You only live once. Might as well live right. Rudy's (End of your senior year):

When you finally finish that tortuous 45 page senior essay, bring in the cover page to Rudy's Restaurant on Elm Street and be treated to a free pint of beer. Congrats.

Graphic by Eugene Wong.

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