Section for dummies: all you'll ever need to know

Disclaimer: The author of this article is in no way suggesting that section should be considered insignificant or without value, even though he, like most average people, thinks it is.

The lingo

Section (a.k.a. discussion section): Weekly meeting where students from a lecture class meet in small groups. Usually consists of about 15 people.

Mandatory Attendance: Indicates that attendance is mandatory.

The Reading: What your TA (see TA below) said you were supposed to do. Some of the Reading: What you easily could have done.

Talk about how so-and-so almost hooked up with so-and-so: What you did.

Cliff's Notes: Horribly irresponsible and dishonest method of gathering information otherwise available in The Reading. Cost: $4.95 plus tax.

The cast

TA: Teaching assistant. The TA is a grad student who conducts section and is paid too little to care about his own appearance. Speaks perfect Russian, Spanish, Chinese, or some other language that you do not understand. If you understand any of these languages, the TA will not speak them and will instead speak some other language. All papers and problem sets are graded by the TA.

The Cool People: Did not do the reading. They had more important things to do than spend two hours poring over a novel that didn't really count for any part of their grades. The Cool People make up the majority of the section. For the first time in your life, it is easier to be cool than not.

The Studious One: There is one TSO in every section. You can rely on this person to have done the reading and to have formed a comprehensive analytical theory about the subject at hand. TSO often asks questions that confuse the Cool People and leave the TA speechless, in any language. TSO will receive a better participation grade than the Cool People, but participation grades are a laughably low percentage of your final grade, so who cares?

The Late Arrival: Shows up three times per semester, usually smelling like some sort of illegal substance. When he is there, he walks in the door at least 10 minutes after section starts, nods at the TA, and then fumbles through his bag to find something resembling the reading, and then promptly turns into...

The Sleeper: Student who sits furthest away from the TA so that he will not need to speak in section and then promptly falls asleep. If called upon by the TA, the sleeper should respond: "Postmodern thought dictates that shifting paradigms in postmodern thought render the author's work obsolete and even offensive."

The Bearer of Sadly Erroneous Redundancy: This person has done little or no reading, but wishes to convince everyone else that he has. Though it may be possible for him to confuse the TA, his classmates will immediately recognize him for what he is—a BSer. This student will attempt to recycle other students' comments by changing the statement's words and/or grammatical structure, while altering the content in no substantive way. To the unobservant, this "new" comment will inspire a feeling of déjà vu but no conscious recognition. This is what the BSer wants to achieve. The Cool People should enlist the help of the TSO to discredit the BSer.

Laugh at This Loser: There is frequently a loser who did all the reading but completely misunderstands it. He will ask questions that only a dunce would ask and answer questions only an idiot would try to answer. Laugh at him. It will make you feel better the next time he is you.

Accentless wonder [language classes Only]: Inevitably, in language classes there is a student who does not believe that pronunciation is necessary, as if accents weren't important in learning a language. Who does she think she is, the TA? In Spanish, she'll pronounce "gracias" as "grassy iss." In French, "merci" is "mercy." And in Japanese, "arigato" is "a regatta." A fun experiment: each time the AW mispronounces a word, roll your eyes, shake your head, and make a face like it smells.

There are several other types to look out for, but they are mostly people to laugh at because they look funny. On a related note, most sections have at least two good-looking people. To learn to exploit this phenomenon, see my upcoming piece, Scoring in Section for Dummies.

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