Ten annoying questions you'll be asked over and over

BY ALEX FUNK

10. "Where are you from?" Upon first glance, not so stupid—a mere icebreaker. Unfortunately, the loser asking this one will likely present the same question to each of the 1,200 members of your class, so there's no way he/she will remember your particular place of residence. Good answers: "America" (with accent), "The womb," "I was just released from an asylum right up the road," and "Heaven" (for those secure in their physical appearance).

9. "What college are you in?" Asked by a frosh trying to act like a Yale insider; he's probably never seen half of the colleges, let alone spent time inside one, so divulging yours is a futile endeavor. Seeing as he's asked the question all night, it might be fun to answer, "You don't remember?" or "Stop asking me that! Are you stalking me?"

8. "Weren't you at Freshperson Conference/Cultural Connections/Bulldog Days?" A definite pick-up line, based on the premise that if you're already somewhat familiar you can now skip the rest of the dumb questions and get right to the good stuff. Answer "No," and move away, even if you were—unless he/she is cute...

7. "Are you a freshman?" Don't ever ask this question; it only serves to identify you as one. Upperclassmen can tell just by looking.

6. "Where else did you apply?" This question represents a whole body of information about which nobody at Yale cares, save ego-deficient frosh looking for acceptance. Other taboos: your SAT scores, high school GPA, romantic conquests, and anything else about yourself you think might impress people (amazingly, all of us got into Yale). If you must answer, "San Quentin" is usually good for a laugh.

5. "Do you sing?" Run like the wind. This is an upperclassman in sheep's clothing, trying to lure you into rushing his or her a capella group. Run even if you do sing; you will make plenty of friends during rush, and it's nice to meet people who don't care about your voice or about what musical experience you had in high school. If you don't sing but stay to talk anyway, you will end up rushing. Trust me.

4. "Where's the party?" Perhaps the dumbest question of all—the whole campus is a party the first week. Have some fun with this lost soul by describing in detail the party where the important members of the Yale publications, singing groups, improv-comedy groups, political organizations, and secret societies groom their future successors; avoid revealing its location.

3. "What classes are you taking?" Classes? It's still September! You can save this handy conversation-maker for hungover Sunday brunch chat later in the semester.

2. "Is that your real face?" I hope you won't be asked this as much as I was, but if you are, I've always found "No" to be a good answer.

1. "Is this cool or what?" At last, a good (and easy) question. Yes, being at Yale is indeed cool. Enjoy it.

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