For the first time in months, classes were filled. Close to 500 students are enrolled in EE101b with Roman Kuc, and, unbelievable, there were actually about 75 heads in class on Wednesday. Had Yalies finally shrugged off their apathy towards class and decided to show their faces and do some quality learning? No longer would they sit in their rooms pressing their remote controls; now they could go to class and learn how that remote worked?
But, no, do not be deceived. They were only future frosh, future students who would sign up for classes and then never step foot into the classroom. In fact, they're already starting the trend this week by skipping their high school classes to be here with us. (For those of you who don't remember, EE101b is held in Davies Auditorium. For any other class, please call the registrar.)
However, these were not ordinary pre-frosh. Many of them did not get in based on their excellent academic careers or their skill in playing the cello. Some of them didn't even have the basic literacy skills of a fourth grader. But they are here for a different purpose, to fill a different role, if you will.
In a new ploy by Betty Trachtenberg, these students have been accepted into Yale College for their athletic prowess in a number of different sports. These student-athletes are what have been generally referred to as jacks-of-all trades, masters of none. These will be the students that Intramural secretaries will call on to fill the empty space on the intramural field; these are the students that will have their names strewn across the Herald Intramurals page-which is, of course, the reason that most of them will decide to come to Yale.
You may have wondered why Timothy Dwight is continuously filled with intramural athletes that are well above the competition year-to-year. The intramural scholarship program was started in secret by Ashé, in a test capacity. The program has been dubbed an absolute success, and has spread recently to other colleges.
In fact, this year, Calhoun has, for the first time in a number of years, stepped well out of the cellar, and they have found themselves solidly in eighth place. Two Calhoun '98 students have arrived on the coveted intramural scholarship. One, who's identity has been disclosed to the Herald Intramural staff, is former Athlete of the Week Sherlock Grigsby '98. Not only has he excelled in the area of Hard Body, but he has shone in figure skating, dance, and bowling. In response to questions about his scholarship, Sherlock said, "There's no question that we should be paid to play intramurals here at Yale. We are the backbone of the University, and we are the forces that bring cohesion to the residential college system."
Now, for the first time, the program has been expanded. All residential colleges will be accepting new students for their intramurals program. Brian Lavery, BR '98, is extremely excited about the concept. He explained, "Our new athletes will finally bring national recognition to our dismal IM program, which will create a huge source of revenue for our college. Invested smartly, our funds will blossom, and we may even be able to renovate that dining hall of ours."
The city is very excited about the program as well. When the Ravens leave, New Haven will no longer boast any professional sports teams. The professional intramural athletes will soon be drafted and traded in fantasy leagues around the country.
Copyright 1996, The Yale Herald, Inc. All rights reserved.
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