I am lying out on Cross Campus. Spring is in the air. Birds are singing. The daffodils are in bloom. People are laughing, playing volleyball, and looking remarkably relaxed. I have an excellent meal of omelettes and fruit salad, courtesy of Commons, in my stomach. And I have big plans for parties that night. Is this really Yale?
Yes it is. It is Yale during prefrosh weekend.
It would seem that prefrosh weekend is the result of a huge conspiracy on the part of the Administration. By bribing certain key players, they have presented a picture of Yale to the prospectives that is fun, happy, beautiful, and spirited-and therefore fraudulent.
Let's examine the experience of two prefrosh who attended my former high school. The first thing they noticed, of course, was the beautiful weather and scenery. I have heard that traditionally the first nice day of the year is always during prefrosh days, and last Wednesday was no exception. Daffodils, which are only in bloom for a short period of time, were out in full force.
Clearly this is because the Administration's first bribe was to the Almighty himself. President Levin used his powers of office to get in touch with the Lord and said, "Listen-it's that time of year again, and we want to cash in on all this ÔFor God' stuff." And God delivered. Sunshine, birds, daffodils-the works. You all thought it was just the passing of seasons. Oh, no. This was all completely planned. There was no trace of Tuesday's "April showers" by the time the first car of parents and prefrosh arrived in New Haven.
Then, of course, Yale bribed its own bureaucracy. Despite (or perhaps because of) the strike, my prefrosh friends were provided with excellent dining-hall meals and flexibility, something that never happens in real Yale life.The athletes may have had a little something extra as well. Check the sports section for last weekend. Unlike the disappointing loss to Harvard this fall, we had multiple wins against the Cantabs, proving for once which is the superior school.
Was it a coincidence that the weekend, both before and after the MCATs, was alive with parties, debauchery, drinking, and fun? After a string of tepid or dead weekends, the campus came alive for the prefrosh. Now I doubt any of the party hosts would admit it, but I'm willing to bet that they were subsidized by Yale.
Even the tour guides skirted the strikers and, as usual, showed Yale's best face.
Of course my prefrosh benefitted from this as well. The best proof of Yale's bribery came from the experience of "Dave," my prefrosh who ended a superbly productive night by throwing up in an Old Campus bathroom for two hours. The other prefrosh, "Mike," and their host, stood guard to make sure Dave didn't drown. After the first 20 minutes, however, the guy in the shower started to get frustrated and yelled, "Can't you take him to the downstairs bathroom? I want to get out." The host, annoyed, said, "Listen, Dave is sick. Why don't you just get out of the shower?" The shower man said, "Okay, I warned you," and stepped out. He was followed, five seconds later, by a young lady. Mike and the host did a doubletake, while Dave, who was plastered, merely thought he was hallucinating and returned to his task.
It would seem that Yale is trying to make the prefrosh think that people actually have sex here. We Elis know there is no sex at Yale, but this farce for the prefrosh, along with the Berkeley streak, is a clear indication of Yale's desire to make the prefrosh think that this is a licentious place after all.
In a year with blizzards, flex-dollar crises, strikes, tenure denials, the decline in the local economy, and the loss of the Harvard/Yale football game, this is the face we put on for the prefrosh. This is why the gentlemen from my high school, despite their hangovers, were psyched to come here in the fall. We showed them Yale at its best, as it was meant to be. And perhaps how we will all remember it years after graduation.
If only the Administration could afford to keep it up year-round....
Benjamin Carp is a sophomore in Trumbull who thanks fellow conspiracy theorist Michelle Solomon.
Copyright 1996, The Yale Herald, Inc. All rights reserved.
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