David Bowie can marry whomever he wants

I'm not gay, although I would have sex with David Bowie. I mean, come on--like if I was walking down the street and David Bowie came up to me and said he wanted to take me back to his place, I'd say, "Sorry, David, although you just might be the most charismatic person in the galaxy, I must decline because when I was conceived I ended up with that Y chromosome." Right. Other than that, I admit that I prefer all the lovely ladies. But that's just me. I couldn't give a hoot about what anyone else's sexual preferences happen to be, unless of course they try to force them on me without my consent, but such lewd behavior has to do with a person's character (or lack thereof), not their sexual orientation.

I bring up this point about the threat of being accosted because I'm convinced that one of the main reasons some people--especially men--are anti-homosexual is because they have this paranoid delusion that their gay peers are going to try to molest them at the first opportunity. Not only should the homophobes who fear such an assault flip on the power switch to their brains for awhile, but they should also stop flattering themselves. I have a feeling that most of these Nervous Nellies have enough trouble garnering attention from the opposite sex, never mind their own.

The other main reason people--yes, especially men again--are so frightened of and intensely hostile to the idea of homosexuality is, of course, that they're afraid they might be gay themselves. They're terrified that if one of "those awful homosexuals" does make a pass at them, they just might like it. After all, everyone has homosexual tendencies. That does not necessarily make everyone a homosexual any more than the fact that everyone has homicidal tendencies from time to time makes us all Charles Manson. Not to compare homosexuality with helter skelter, but I think the analogy is a good one. At some point or another we all have thought to ourselves--at least for a brief moment in the heat of some rage--"I could just kill that person." And we all, for at least some split millisecond of our lives, have (gasp!) felt an attraction towards a member of our own sex. Anyone who denies having experienced either of these thoughts is either a liar or Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation, because it is simply human nature.

There is no good reason whatsoever to deny gay couples the right to marry. The movement against the instatement of same-sex marriages is a purely malicious one motivated by the ignorance and fear outlined above, and hidden behind the thin veil of the fallacious "family values" argument. You say that allowing two people to enter into the most sacred and beautiful of unions in order to consummate the trust and love they've built between each other is a detriment to family values? You've been smoking too much crack. The only traditional American values threatened by same-sex marriages are the ones that also require you to dress up in your old bed sheets and cut eye-holes in the pillowcase.

The one thing that differentiates a married couple of the same sex from their more "traditional" counterparts is that they can't procreate. That's not a value judgment--it's just a cold, hard fact of nature.

Yet even this one legitimate difference has been rendered completely irrelevant by modern times. The human race has long since surpassed the period of its evolution where it was vital to our species' survival to promote interpersonal relationships leading to reproduction. This planet is crowded enough with homos--Homo Sapiens that is--already. We're not working to colonize Mars just to give NASA something to do.

But back to our society's much-heralded family values. The real problem with family values in America today is all the people running around worrying about everyone else's family values instead of their own. If everybody--gay, straight, black, white, purple--just concentrated on doing right in their own lives and own homes, then all these amorphous family values about which we constantly fret would be neatly taken care of. When everyone minds their own business, they have enough time to properly mind their own. Hence, everyone's business gets taken care of. Now doesn't that work out nicely?

Half of today's marriages will end in divorce. Perhaps if same-sex relationships were granted the right to become part of that statistic, it might not be so high. Not necessarily because homosexuals are more loving or loyal people, but because if we all lived in a climate more tolerant and respectful of each other's pursuits of happiness, we all just might shape up a bit.

Come on--you'd have sex with David Bowie too.