Elitorial: Board games? BOARD GAMES?!

"You sank my Battleship!"

These words could be heard all over the Yale campus when board games are added to the intramural itinerary. Board games are seriously being considered for introduction into Tyng Cup competition. Now I like a good game of Scrabble&tm; as much as the next guy, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

"It would be nice to have intramural competition other than athletics, since the competitive spirit doesn't necessarily confine itself to the body," Ezra Stiles Master Paul Fry said. Master Fry is one of the people spearheading the board game effort.

Now let's think about this for a moment. Do we really want board games to be a part of IMs? How can you have non-athletic competition in intramural sports? Every IM event can be considered a sport with the exception of maybe billiards and bowling. Billiards and bowling, however, do have professional circuits and do require some physical activity. How do we have athletic competitions which are not confined to the body? Are we supposed to play intramural mind games? And if so, shouldn't the results count toward the Gimbel Cup and not the Tyng Cup?

I've never been one to complain without giving some viable options as solutions. So I hope the Intramural Office is all ears as Smack Boy shares some of his wisdom.

First of all, intramurals are supposed to be fun (if you live anywhere but Stiles and TD, of course). Not meaning any disrespect to the wonderful games of chess and bridge, but I don't think they exactly fit in with the other activities scheduled in Tyng Cup competition. How can coed inner-tube water polo be followed by a card game? Hey, we already have a Chess Club here at Yale and if you want to play bridge, go to Casino night--at Stiles, by the way.

We don't need to play games like tiddly winks or pickup sticks on the path to the Tyng Cup. We don't need ordinary, run-of-the-mill games either. No Trivial Pursuit&tm;, Scrabble&tm;, or Yahtzee&tm; are wanted here.

Intramurals at Yale are for people who want to have a lot of fun in a not-so-serious atmosphere. So, let's try to add board games which keep the intramural spirit firmly in mind.

If I had to introduce board games into Tyng Cup play, I would bring back some of the great games from our childhood. Can you imagine a heated match of Hungry, Hungry Hippos&tm; between Saybrugians and Branfordians? Or how about a wicked game of Connect Four&tm; between Davenport and Pierson? Let's introduce Twister&tm; to spice up the winter intramural season. What about one of my personal favorites, Operation&tm;? I never could remove that darn funny bone. Candyland&tm; and Chutes and Ladders&tm; were always a good time when I was growing up.

If people want to play cards, then we will have to introduce the greatest card game of all time; War. Yeah, you remember the game that takes three days to play and a person always gets down to one card before coming all the way back to even things up. Another good game would be Uno&tm;, except that those darn Draw Four cards seem to get me every time.

For those of you who have great hand-eye coordination, I have some games that are right up your alley. I can see battles in thumb-wrestling going down in intramural history. For those who find thumb wars too physically strenuous or complicated, there is always the fan favorite Paper, Rock, Scissors. If all out physical exertion is what you crave, one game of Jumanji is all you need.

If the IM office wants to get on the good side of the student body, it could jump-start the intramural program by bringing it into the '90s. Let's introduce Sega NHL '96&tm; among other video games. NBA Jam&tm; would surely be a big hit if the 'Houn could "deliver a facial" to Trumbull. Students could surely work off some stress with games of Mortal Kombat&tm; for Tyng points.

While introducing new aspects to the intramural scene at Yale should be encouraged, board games are not the way to go. What we need to do is drum up some more college spirit and get more people out to the intramurals we already have. Then, and only then, can we stretch the IM spectrum to include other, more non-traditional games.

Let's keep the IM spirit alive by keeping the Tyng competition as fun and interesting as possible. After all, who is to say what will be next? I certainly hope not the naked Macarena competition!