Branford Intramurals

The flawed Tyng scoring system overemphasizes fall sports and keeps Branford mired amidst the intramural dregs--tenth place fails to do justice to the improvement in Branford's winter performance. Yale's oldest and most beautiful college has produced some genuine title contenders and has made our favorite fall move, the forfeit, no more than a distant memory. But, as Billy Crystal used to say in "Fernando's Hideaway," it's not how you feel (or play), it's the way you look. And in those sharp, stylin' t-shirts with blue trim, there's no denying that we're lookin' good.

Men's volleyball, with a 6-2 record, sits alone in second place and wouldn't mind if someone (even TD) would knock off Pierson to move us into a first-place tie. After an inspired performance in which the squad played some of its best volleyball of the year to defeat heavily-favored Saybrook, Davenport forfeited the first game of their match with Branford in order to minimize their humiliation. They must have read the scouting reports or heard about the spikes of Loren "I hit a lot harder than Martha" Stewart '99. Or maybe they were intimidated by the offensive skills of Collins "is going to business school to get a" MBA-Jonas '99. Or they could have feared that the all-around play of Christiaan Vorkink '99 would spell their doom. We'll never know.

Meanwhile, women's basketball is well on its way to a stellar season; in fact, the squad might actually be cursed with too much talent. Yet as soon as the players figure out the complicated offensive system of Caron "Coach K" Kim '00, there's no doubt that they will be unstoppable. Coach K's squad has already solidified its status as the Branford team with the most spirit and the best attendance. Among its many standout performers are Rosie "O'Donnell is better than Leno" Wustrack '99, Shaked "Don't call me Goldie"-Laks '99, and Theryn "I learned that" Gibbons "are small, cute monkeys in intro bio" '00. Keep it up!

Branford's other teams, while not necessarily in the championship hunt, have also managed to string together some impressive wins. Under the freshman leadership of Martha "Would you like a plastic or a paper" Bagnall '00, women's volleyball has gone from forfeiting its first game to a solid team as Melissa "Tony" Pena "is my favorite major league catcher" '98, Angie "is my favorite Rolling Stones' song" Smith '98, and Tasia Medard '99 have hit and served their way to glory. And at the alley, Mike "Kingpin" May '98 rolled an unprecedented six straight strikes on his way to a 225, leading the bowling team to a solid start. Women's squash is also looking sharp with a record of 3-1-1. Perhaps these performances were inspired by our fearless leader, Master Smith, who, no doubt in a moment when his body was possessed by the evil demons of TD, proclaimed that Branford's motto for the winter was "Kill!"

(Compiled by an unrestricted free agent who is looking for a multi-year contract)

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