|
CalhounThis past Saturday, the Law School Admission Council administered its beloved test to thousands of unfortunate college students, who were under the improper impression that there was life beyond intramurals. Luckily for the Houn, the coming of the LSATs corresponded to the Houn's ascension to first place in the Tyng Cup standings for the first time in the seniors' Four Years on Elm Street. Recently, it's been Nightmare on Elm Street for our athletes who have come down with bizarre injuries. But none of these compared to our beloved Jerk '98, who one-upped his former roommate, Loudboy '98, who took out a girl in IMs--only this time, Jerk flattened a teammate, Alex "Kerry Collins" McClain '00. Since there are no remaining athletes healthy enough to write this article, we've asked the writers of the LSAT to step in and take our place, and since they have nothing to do for a couple months, they've gladly stepped in:Each of five freshmen--Rich Harvell, Dan Fleschner, Dave Goldenberg, Alexis Papaconstantinou, and Chiz Chikwendu-- will be assigned to exactly one of three positions: striker, midfield, or fullback. They'll play alongside sophomores Peter Smith, Jeff Schwartz, Steve Rosenthal, or Deji Olukotun. The assignment of Hounies to a position must meet the following conditions: Chiz must play at the same position as Alexis. Dave and Rich should not both be up front, unless Dave injures himself in a scuffle with his roommate. Peter and Jeff are the only soccer players without brown or black hair, so they cannot be on the field at the same time. If Dan is to play football later that day, he should play at fullback so that he can take out someone's ankle and be injured for the second game. If Steve crosses the ball, Deji Olukotun must be playing up front to one-time it into the net. 1. If any seniors named Zach Altschuler, Adrian Thomas, Jake Sullivan, or Thiru Vignarajah show, which is NOT an acceptable outcome? (Hint: Always Guess E) (A) Alex King '99 will win the ball on a slide tackle, and Adrian will knock someone over in pursuit of the ball. (B) Zach will play the same amoeba defense in both soccer and football. (C) Thiru and Jake will come in the same car, but one will score and the other will prevent the opposition from scoring.
(D) Rasika Jayasekera '99 and Zach will tackle Matt Morgado '98 if he
tries (E) Sherlock Grigsby '98 will get in the soccer game.
Even if you correctly answered E, you will likely have very little chance of
doing well on this LSAT, because this question was in the experimental section.
So stick to (Compiled by Hanson and BioSearch from the Writing Sample.)
|
All materials © 1997 The Yale Herald, Inc., and its staff.
Got any questions, comments, or advice? Email the online editors at online@yaleherald.com.
Like to join us?