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Jonathan EdwardsThe board of directors has taken note of the bloated, inefficient state of the JE intramural bureaucracy, and in keeping with its point-scoring principles, JE is beginning a process aimed towards the synergistic restructuring of the hierarchical network. As such, certain redundancies like coed touch football, men's cross country and coed volleyball have been eliminated. Certain minor imperfections in the coherence of our team-oriented, corporate philosophy, like the Angel of Death, have been expunged. Those divisions whose productivity remains viable have been reintegrated into the web of flexible interconnections that has replaced the rigidity-oriented structure of yesteryear.The men's soccer department, which has been and remains well in the black at 7-1, has been oriented such that viability persists despite the loss of Peter Coghlan '98. Witness the steady Tyng curve data of this week, with the efficacy of JE exceeding that of Saybrook three to two. Leslie Schradin '98 scored two of those three points. The third and winning unit was generated by the Angel of Death, who, while no longer a part of JE Inc. proper, remains on the casual worker list. Mention should be given also to two new point-acquisition models, Paul Lily and Keven Gobeske, both from the 1999 assembly line. Coed table tennis retains the vitality of previous year's teams, maintaining a good, integratory keel with the help of spot-leaders Vivek Sugavanum '00, Sam Stubblefield '00, Julie Shin '98, Eric Ko '99, Sindy Chen '00, Yamini Naidu '00, Carolyn Nguyen '00, Blair Golson '01, Jason Lichter '00, Katheryn Gonnerman '01 and Ben Blum-Smith '00. They win some, they lose some--what the hell, eh? The Angel of Death again came to supplement the men's touch football division. The team lost to Saybrook 20-2, bringing their point-producing frequency to the barely acceptable 50th percentile. The men, outscoring Saybrook 2-0 in the second half, demonstrated heart and loyalty, two qualitities at odds with our tough corporate philosophy. Therefore, the Angel shall henceforth be shifted away from the JE paradigm. Emerging from nowhere as the leanest and meanest of the newly restructured institution that is JE, women's cross country runners Lucy Schaeffer '99, Anne Kingery '99, Anna Rosefsky, '98 and Catherine Hilyard '98 all finished in the Top 15 in a preliminary race. The newly roboticized, downsized, and deatomized JE intramural infrastructure has sucessfully begun its reorientation towards niche marketing, lateral movement, international currency exchange, initial public offerings, decentralization and de-Angel of Deathing. (Compiled by a few student representatives of soullessness.)
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