Berkeley

It's time to tell a Berkeley story. A story of love, friendship, trust, the support of an individual, his stomach, his dream, the experience, the challenge. This could not possibly be undertaken elsewhere, by any less a man, with any fewer friends, nor without Scooter and his napkins.

It all began with a simple jaunt, some disbelief, some coaxing, prodding, egging, begging, and finally Alex offering up for the first fifteen. This he would regret, not for the cost, but for witnessing the pain encountered by a futile attempt.

Others would come, all ages (no sophomores of course) lending suggestions, advice, wisdom, knowledge, and some just talking out their ass. Drugs? Never. Alcohol, maybe. Liquid would be reduced, dairy held to a minimum, sausage altogether avoided. CO2 a no-no.

The second attempt at establishing a paradigm for mass consumption of ground bovine innards would depend on a crack squad which relied upon nothing more than the trust found in a handshake, the love in a sage glance, the hope in chicken soup. 140 napkins later, plus one trip to the sacred ground, many approving nods from the gallery, many hushed whispers, but never any doubt, and all was through. History was now past, the present would be the only truth. The champion, seated, stood with determined hesitation, thrust his hands in his pockets, and commenced his egress with the company of his brethren. To his family, to Puerto Rico, he offered his thanks. But to BK, his love.

Next week: watch Armando, a statehood advocate for Puerto Rico, reverse Gandhi's tactic by "eating for statehood." Until the beef is exhausted or statehood is granted, the puertoriqueno shall not rest. We offer our souls.

BK football lost everything but tried hard. They ask that other teams send out shorter players or just forfeit. We've got a Tyng to win here. Coed volleyball, in true IM fashion, split this week with a forfeit victory and forfeit loss. These guys are actually pretty good and welcome all comers. Apparently there was an incident with TD but we're all used to dealing with those putzes; no offense to anyone in TD who actually is a penis. Tennis and ping-pong are awesome, but they knew that anyway. The softball team is pretty talented and can't wait to get started. Any college that dare challenge us for a little autumn training can meet us at the fields Tuesday, 3:45. Bring your gloves. We are all left-handed and don't like to share. We want some action! HARD! Go BK, go BK!

(Compiled by Armando the Armadillo)

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