Records: Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments' Straight to Video

Sophisticated opinions about rock are useless, so here it is: Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments plays real rock based on strong rock licks, sweet-hearted and smart-assed rock lyrics, and post-punk rock culture smarts. If you need this stuff, buy these recordings. If you need help, read on.

Talking about rock licks is like French kissing over the phone. Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartment's guitarist, Bob Petric, works hard to get the subtlety and grace of loud rock anger to shoot out his amp at quick pace, usually wearing a Motorhead muscle t-shirt with a "humor me" sticker on his guitar. He never smashes his ax for shock or aimlessly wanks. He just plays hard and well.

Mild-mannered rock guru (clerk) by day, unmannered rock figure (singer) by night, Ron House is a veteran of Columbus punk's two-front war on Ohio's right-wing, Buckeye-fan, cock-rock lunacy and corporate castration of actual rock culture. Beer and wit see him through to rocksaving lyrics like, "Bombs away at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame/ Even if I got indicted I'd probably feel the same/ I don't wanna see the shotgun of Kurt Cobain/ I don't wanna see a wounded beast caged/ I don't wanna see the liver of David Crosby/ Blow it up before Steve Albini makes a speech."

As rock, Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments sounds best live, but for you folks who aren't "lucky" enough to live in Columbus, this band has put out two discs: Bait and Switch and Straight to Video. When I bought the stuff from Ron at his day job, he said: "The second album sucks. It's more consistent than the first, but it's consistently bad." On the liner notes he adds that the second album "has been edited to fit your screen and to ensure the stability of our government." Shoppers beware, but I still recommend you buy both albums. If you don't like them, find me and I'll take them to trade back in Ohio where good children eat corn but starve for cheap used rock.

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