Calhoun

The first two queries quickly yield answers. Are we approaching the end of history? I sure hope not, because then there goes my major. Are we on the verge of some great apocalyptic event? Possibly. If Tampa Bay and Indianapolis meet in the Super Bowl, the event could definitely qualify as a harbinger of epic upheaval. The third question, though, is a far tougher nut to crack.

Perhaps Calhoun IMs must bear its cross of incompetence as punishment for heinous indiscretions in a past life, possibly as Lonnie Smith, whose baserunning blunder in Game Seven of the 1991 World Series cost the Atlanta Braves a championship. Perhaps Calhoun IMs, much like the aforementioned Tampa Bay Buccaneers, simply cannot perform adequately when the mercury drops to near-freezing temperatures. Perhaps success for Calhoun IMs in the winter just isn't meant to be—life, after all, isn't fair.

But weep not for Calhoun IMs. To paraphrase the great thinker David Allan Coe, Calhoun IMs can do you every song Hank Williams ever wrote.

(Compiled by Odalis.)

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