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Smack Zone
Chepiga
A new era has begun in Smack. I feel bad for Randell and Moron—they're novices, in way over their heads. They're good at PageMaker and all, but come on, this is gambling. I begged them not to make me humiliate them, but they honestly think they can beat me. The fools. My sheer domination of all things Smack will begin with the Titans and Jags winning this weekend ($1,000 each). Yale men's hoops will lose to both Harvard and Dartmouth ($750 each); men's hockey will embarrass BC ($500); and UNC will beat UCLA at the buzzer ($500). This is way too easy. Current Balance: $5,000.
Moran
Some might say that betting all my money on The Game—a wager that won me the title of Smack Queen—was cheap, but I prefer to think of it as risky. Or savvy. Speaking of savvy, it's a good thing for me that Chepiga has even less than his wussy red-headed colleagues Ginger Spice and Conan O'Brien. This weekend, Chris Dudley, TD '87, will be the only person who gets less play than Randell as the Knicks take Charlotte ($800) and then avenge their fluke loss to the Nets ($1,000). Eli basketball won't be as lucky, falling to both Harvard and Dartmouth ($900 each). Women's hoops will surge over the Crimson and the Big Green ($400 each), while men's hockey wipes out BC ($300). Current Balance: $5,000.
Randell
Well, well, another semester of Smack with fresh blood to smack around. Chepiga, you ain't got nothing—you can't run with the big girls. Moron, be prepared to lose your crown. You never deserved it, anyway. I'll start off the semester right with a truly ballsy bet (Jealous, Moron? You might try one sometime)—the Vikings are going to stun the Rams ($800). As much as I like Marino, I gotta take the Jags ($1,200). Georgia Tech will bounce back in college hoops and send Maryland home crying ($500). Men's hockey surges against BC ($400). As for the Smack lead, come to mama, baby, I want you back. Current Balance: $5,000.
Abu Demissie, Guest
Finally, I have made it to the Zone. 2000 will be the Year of the Guest, and I'll make sure to set the right example for those who'll follow. I'll take both Bulldog hoops squads to win at least one of their games this weekend ($250 each). In the NFL divisional playoffs, look for NFC blowouts and AFC upsets—I'm picking the Rams, Bucs, 'Phins, and Titans to move on to their respective conference—title games ($500 each). Watch as Marshall Faulk gains 150+ total yards ($100), Warren Sapp sacks Brad Johnson ($150), Olindo Mare kicks at least 2 field goals ($200), and Tennessee makes another miracle fourth-quarter comeback ($250). And mark my words, I'll be back for more SmackÉ Current Balance: $5,000.Abu Demissie, DC '01, is vice president of the Yale College Council.
All materials © 2000 The Yale Herald, Inc., and its staff.
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