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Smack Zone
Chepiga
The only thing not funnier than Joey Ax is this rumor I heard about his girlfriend and Altschuler. C'mon, seriously. Who started this? Everyone knows Altschuler only has eyes for mama Ax. As for Moron and Laurie, maybe if they stopped trying to sleep their way to the top, they could concentrate on making decent bets. The Jags and the Rams are going to the Super Bowl ($2,000 each), Yale b-ball blows by Brown ($500), hockey beats BU ($500), and women's gymnastics—yes, I'm betting on gymnastics, got a problem with that? I didn't think so—will obliterate Vermont ($1,000). Last Week: -$500. Current Balance: $4,500.
Moran
Thanks to the presence of the esteemed Joey Ax, I'm not the biggest loser in Smack. Last week, my balance may have gone down lower than Ax's mother does on a Saturday night, but I'll assume my rightful place at the top with a couple of cushy hockey bets. I'll say that the Devils freeze the Islanders and the Panthers ($800 each), while men's hockey takes a victory over Army ($400). Like Chepiga's girlfriend, the Knicks will be only mediocre, dropping one to the Spurs ($500) but redeeming themselves against the Wizards ($800). Men's basketball will continue its Ivy streak against Brown ($300), while the women hold their own against the Bears as well ($200). Last Week: -$1,100. Current Balance: $3,900.
Randell
I'm off to a slow start, but I'm still kicking my co-editors' asses. Get used to it guys, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Ax, the only people getting played more than your mother this weekend will be the Titans—they'll go down hard to the Jags ($1,400). Yale b-ball keeps rolling against Brown ($500). Michigan and UConn will pull out wins over Iowa and G-town ($1,000 each). Stanford kicks Cal out of Cali in a hella sweet game ($800). Yo Moron, take note—I may not like the NHL, but I'm damn good on college. Yale over Army ($500). Da Smack is in town and I'm takin' over. Last Week: +$500. Current Balance: $5,500.
Joey Ax, Guest
The Ax is back—bend over and grab your ankles. It's funny that Moran's talking about my mom, considering she's "known for givin' out the nappy dug out," as Ice Cube would say. If you don't know what I mean, you've never spent time with Kate and a couple of beers on a Friday. Randell's got her head so far up her ass she can watch her food digest. Chepiga? Let's just say that while Yale is well-endowed, Geoff is, well, not. At least that's what his girlfriend told me last night. Knicks over the Spurs and Wiz ($1,000 each); hockey whips BU and Army ($900 each). Jags and Rams go to Hotlanta ($1,000 each). Oh, and $10 says I make a woman out of Chepiga's girl before he does. Last Week: +$450. Current Balance: $5,450.
Joey Ax, MC '01, is executive editor of the Herald.
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