Calhoun

The thing about C-hoops is that even when it's good, it's still pretty bad. In that way it's akin to the dining hall (except when they serve cod bites), The Price is Right, and Keanu Reeves movies. Being the best C-hoops team would be kind of like being the most famous person from Djibouti, or being the most respected person whose first, middle, and last names all rhyme, a dubious honor at best.

As such, Calhoun really ought not hang its head for a sub-.500 record. After all, it has been a coming-out party for our frosh Karl "Gimme the damn ball" Chang, and Alex "I know something you don't know" Kass '03, not to mention Eric Schneider '03, Regan O'Neill '03, and Jared Milewski '03. Unquestionably though, the best part of playing C-hoops is the weekly e-mail from captain Khemaridh Hy '01, who has created such inventive subject lines as "A Hot Girl Likes You" and "Master's Tea with Britney Spears." These e-mails will certainly be our legacy, and at the end of the day, we can live with that. Besides, we're pretty sure we could take it to B-hoops any day of the week.

Chapter II: Ice hockey (Or, We like to back-check, if you know what I mean)

Calhoun hockey is back. Our mean offensive line is anchored by Tim "Hat trick on command" Bradley '02, for Pete (Smith's) Sake '00, and Arnaud "I tape my hairy legs" Bewley '02. Defensively, Arthur "I" Kinsolv(ing) '03 "that attitude problem for you," helps out goaltender Dave "Seamless Brick Wall" Wing '02. Look for Calhoun hockey to tally some wins late in the season.

(Complied by Dr. Otum and Professor Wordwatch. Edited by Maurice.)

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