Silliman

Recent population counts have sadly seen the decline of Smackdownicus around the bouncing spheres of the Lanman Center. The dearth leaves the few brave critters hungry for a Tyng meal tired and unsupported. In times like this, Onyorassa realizes "passing the rock" is only enjoyable in large numbers.

Instead, Smackdownicus thrives in rubber tubes. Taxonomists have named these fast-moving critters Nicole "Nautica" Castonguay '00, Emma "Outswim me, I'll make your" Ashburn '03, Claire "Breathe with me" Brickell '03, Lauren "Lapping the rest" Keane '03, Chris "No competition against" Crowe '00, Chris "Any stroke starting with B" Baranano '00, Josh "Can't blow by Mr." Blum '00, and "The Jet" Jason Rahal '03.

In a rare migration pattern, Onyorassa also opts to thrive far from the Lanman wilds. The species has perfected a technique involving rolling heavy balls. One such cohort of Sillimanders bested Morse and Stiles on Friday, Feb. 11 with the help of Shane "Honey D" Dizon '00 and Alex "20+ mph" Cardenas '02.

Next week, stay tuned as we track Onyorassa's attempts to defend its swimming title and spawn a resurgent showing on the Lanman hardwood.

(Compiled by a senior editor at NSW, who, after a hockey goal on Tuesday, can graduate in peace.)

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