[But first of all: This is a long tech brief. Since tech briefs are supposed to be brief, I shall have to brief it. But I don't want to brief it. So I shall have to break it into two parts. Please forgive me. And now on to...]

So, you are an X-phile: Part One

So you set the VCR wrong. Or you spent 2 hours trying not to scream at the vomit green Sportage parked diagonally in front of you on I-95. Or you wasted an hour in the library, looking up all eight copies of Ivanhoe, and not finding a single one. Or you just forgot, or you almost did, but then you rushed back to your TV just in time to catch . . . The World's Most Amazing Cat Furballs 2.

It doesn't matter what the details are; the point is, you missed it. The one spot of fun and adventure in the miserable drudgery of your weekly existence, the only minuscule grain of sweetness in the salty cereal of your life's work, the single bright thread of color in the dirty faded fabric of your politically correct backside—and you missed it. That does it. You might as well go and rent a fishing hole in Antarctica for the week 'cos there ain't nothin' left to stick around here for.

Hold it right . . . there!

If you have no idea what I'm ranting about, maybe this is not the ride for you. But if you know the pain, hold off on the fishing gear for a second. Because the above scenerio will be coming true. (Though you might be catching The TV Guide Awards, instead of . . . that.) Next week Sunday is the fifth of March, and on the fifth of March, The X files will not be shown.

(I can feel the tremors racking your body just at the thought.) Well, I say it ends here! No, not the love affair you've been carrying on with Scully and Mulder simultaneously for the past 6 years, give or take some. I mean, the dependence on the whims of network TV executives for when, where and how you get your X-files fix. Let it end here.

And let it begin here at The Official Site of The X-files on Fox.

Okay, so it's flashy (make that really flashy).

The Official Site is certainly comprehensive: biographies for all the major characters, synopses, photographs, video and sound clips from every episode (even the ad for the very first show back in 1993), interviews with the cast and crew, background information on each episode as it airs, and previews of future episodes as they are developed.

Nice stuff, but then again, if that was all you wanted to know, you wouldn't be an X-phile.

Speaking of which, Kenny (the other half of my roommate) thinks that I'm a closet X-phile. Kenny is so wrong. (I'm really a Pretender fan.) You see, if I were an X-phile, I would never be satisfied with getting only that measly little one-hour gulp of Mulder and Scully once a week on Fox. If I were an X-phile, I would be a hard-core X-phile, and I would be out there. Because the truth is out there too, and I want to be the first to find it.

And I find that the way to the truth is paved with good sites. The problem is, which truth?

If you are asking for the truth about St. Vincent (also known as Vince Gilligan, one of the writers), join the many followers fervently worshipping at his temple.

If it is concern over Special Agent Scully's outfits that keeps you up at night, be sure to contact The Scullywear Auxiliary Brigade for advice and further information.

If you often ponder what Mulder and Scully do when no-one is looking, you ought to see them Taking the Fifth and Sixth.

If you have often wondered what it would be like to room with Mulder, read this exclusive interview with his fish.

If you spend hours meditating on our agents' gorgeous features, take a look at the X-smiles.

On to Part Two...