So you are an X-phile: Part Two

But let's leave the niceties behind. I know the real reason why you watch The X-files, and it has nothing to do those. No, it's all about a little thing known as X-appeal.

Fine. You want it? I'll give it to you.

But first, I must ask, are you a shipper? That is to say, do you believe that Mulder and Scully are MFEO (Made For Each Other)? If so, please direct yourself to The Page Formerly Known as the MFEO Society Page. There are some things that you need to know first.

If you feel that this shipper business is too much for you to handle right now, check into the X-files Institution for Relationshippers. There you will find, among other things, photographs such as this, some like this, and others just like this one that should cure you for life. Well, maybe not.

But if you ever change your mind about being a shipper, there is still plenty to do. There's stinging, and fence-sitting.

I tried my best. But you won't give up, will you? All you want to see are the pictures like this, or like this.

Maybe you like the professional stuff like this, and like this, or the cutsie sort like this, and like this.

There are also some like this, or even, lord help me, this.

Very well, I give in. Here is the infamous Rolling Stonephoto. And all this is from one site, The X-files Haven for the FBI's Most Unwanted.

Now that I've got that over with, I can show you more intellectual pursuits. For example, a piece of fanfic (fan fiction) dealing with how Mulder and Scully spent their Valentine's Day called The Rosebud Conspiracy. It also just happens to be near the MulderGlasses Shrine, which I soon found was nothing but an homage to Fox Mulder's spectacles. Oh my.

Chronicle X also has a fanfic archive, where a missing scenes piece for the episode "Anasazi,"an angsty look at Scully in " Resolution's Lament," and a late night call for Mulder in " Tonight I was" can be found.

You can also

• take the time to memorize the X-files from A to Z
• relive the excruiatingly intense progress of Mulder and Scully's relationship
• meet some real x-files
• see Chris Carter (the show's creator) surf. (Well, not really. There is a nice picture of him in the swimming pool, though.)
• get transcripts of just about every episode
• search the other FBI database
• meet the man behind the music
• save poor tragedy-dogged Dana by becoming a member of her Rescue Guard
• find clips like this one of David Duchovny's Letterman sketch
• make Gillian Anderson your latest obsession
• visit a squirrel's nest and other Mulder-friendly sites such as DuchovnyNet
• submit to The Project
• change your religion—join The First Church of Mulder
• just drool over David Duchovny
• earn your M.A. in Filk Studies from XFU
• commune with brothers and sisters at The Order of the Blessed Saint Scully the Enigmatic
• get your very own Krycek clone (I'm thinking of ordering a Fox Mulder myself.)
• have your Krycek clone marry my Mulder clone so they can live happily ever after

By the time you're done with all that, (at least) an entire week should have gone by, and you will be back in business once more. For now. Just try not to overdo it.

So if you find yourself tearing your hair out during the three-part season finale, remember that there are less painful ways to go bald. There are many others like you, also on the brink of discovery. The girl in your Classical Mechanics class, the guy outside your window, the party animals down the hall: they could all be part of it.

Never stop searching. The truth is out there. Somewhere.

*phew* And now I really need to get a drink. No matter what anyone says, being an X-phile is really hard work.

Oh, and if you find the truth before I do, drop me a line. I'd love to steal, um, I mean, share it with you.

— Lola T. Ogunkoya

Back to Part One...