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Smack Zone
Chepiga
Nat Bitch has entered the fray, and somehow he smells even worse than Kate on a Saturday night, after she's done groping nappy football players at Toad's. Nat seems excited to be in Smack, a little too excited, almost as if he can't get any anywhere else. But he won't get any here, either—Kate doesn't dig "small" men and Laurie's taken, isn't that right, Brooksie? "Oh Brooksie, oh pooky bear I love you, I need you, you complete me you hot Bob Jonesian stud." Syracuse wipes the floor with UConn ($500), Stanford kills 'Zona ($500) and Penn beats Princeton ($500), but only after Yale beats the Tigers first ($300). Oh, and men's hockey sweeps ($500). Last Week: -$2,150. Current Balance: $6,647.Moran
Our guest Nat Rich has eight sisters, and when he was a kid,
they used to let him play Ken with their Barbies. Now Nasty Nat indulges
his doll festish with Chepiga's 12-year-old sister. Last week my balance
took it harder than Ginger Spice Jr., but I'll get it up faster than
Larry Flint's favorite son ever could as the Knicks take Atlanta ($800)
and Utah ($300). Yale men's hoops splits against Penn and Princeton
($200), while baseball and lacrosse win their season openers ($500
each). Last Week: -$3,700. Current Balance: $1,870.
Randell
Spring is almost here, and you know what that means—Chepiga
finally washes his Jockeys and spring training arrives. Watch for the
Braves to fill Disney with two straight spring training wins a hell of
a lot better than Moron fills her training bra ($1,000 each). Back in
the realm of the NCAA, Penn stomps Princeton ($700), and heads to the
Tourney with at least a 13 seed ($550). Stanford smears Arizona ($600),
but the Wildcats still take a top bid ($600). UConn falls yet again to
Syracuse ($400), and even if Moron gave sexual favors to the selection
committee UConn couldn't get above a six bid ($500). Last Week:
+$700. Current Balance: $8,200.
Nat Rich, Guest
Moran—stop weeping just 'cus I can actually respond to your Smack this week. Or are you sad because my balance, like your scabies test result, is going to be unequivocally positive? Maybe you should spend more time betting with ease, and less time begging for deez. The Knicks, by the way, win four of five ($1,000), including the Mormons on my b-day ($2,000), while Spree and Houston average a combined 40 ($1,000). Bill Pulsipher won't faint again ($300) or die ($100) but Straw will snort coke off Randell's naked body ($5). And Red—don't mess your thong (it's not Saturday yet): like Moran's dirty herpes, I'll be back almost every week. Last Week: -$510. Current Balance: $4,678.
Nat Rich, CC '02, won Pick the Pros this week. To be Smack Guest, play Pick the Pros at www.yaleherald.com/pickthepros.
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