Davenport

Field hockey tried particularly hard to beat the odds. However, it seems the bookies were giving hot tips to the Pierson women, who thwarted our women's chances by refusing to show up to games, miring our would-be stars in the mud of forfeiture. Word on the street is that given the chance, these D-port female stick-handlers would have bowled over everybody and could possibly have bumped us up to that 9th place spot (PC's motivation becomes clear).

The Ultimate team also managed to shoot itself in its collective disc-throwing hand. Despite a high advantage in skill over any other team (including Süperfly and the U.S. National team), the perfect season was unattainable. Why, you ask? Clearly, this shortcoming must be attributed to higher forces.

Surely, to maintain 10th place some team must have a decent season. Indeed, the beneficiary of this athletic malaise was baseball. With a ringer for a pitcher and captain who cares more about IM baseball than George W. cared about B-hoops, D-port baseball's quest for glory has no end.

So as the sun sets on another season, residents of 248 York St. can be content in the knowledge that the fate of the season was not in their hands. Not every college can finish first in the Tyng Cup standings. But then, not every college can claim the master of the universe follows their IM season.

(Compiled by the D-port IM secretaries, who are secure in the belief that with a 10th place finish, they done George W. proud. )

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