 | |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
 | |
Smack Zone
Chepiga
Kate Again Tries Echoing My Ostentatiously Resplendent Ass Nabbing Streak. Unimaginative Clod, Kate Stumbles And Slips Everywhere: Rubbing In, Over, Under, Studly Jocks, Imbibing Many Male Yalies, She Hallucinates Each Luscious Imbroglio. Kissing Every SAE Brother Invites Gross Diseases, Unseemly Maladies. Blitzed, Jealous, Omnipresently Cleavaged, Kate Sucks. (I, lord of Smack, king of korona, prince of punditry, will bet all my measly money that my Yankees win Saturday.) Last Week: -$1,600. Current Balance: $3,497.Moran
Hi, my name is Ben Dover, and I'm Geoff Chepiga's boyfriend. Once upon a time I dated Laurie Randell, but then I figured out she was a woman. But she had me fooled there for a while. Unlike Randell, the Yankees won't leave any questions over the next week as they take at least two out of three against the Royals and the Rangers ($2,000). The Knicks roll over Cleveland ($2,500), while back in New Haven, the women's varsity eight takes first place over BU and Dartmouth ($1,000). Baseball picks it up, knocking out Harvard in at least two of four weekend games ($600), while women's lacrosse surprises Duke ($300). And $50 says Randell's on drugs (just look at her Smack). Last Week: -$1,400. Current Balance: $9,170.Randell
Welcome to the Herald Mystery Van. We ride around the Yale campus solving mysteries and unmasking scary, hooded Secret Society people. There's Chepiga, a.k.a. ShaggyÉif only he could come to terms with his true love for Scooby. Bad Chepiga! No Scooby Snacks for you. Moron, a.k.a. Velma, is the oversexed bookworm who hangs in the back of the van with Tig-Fred. But amid all the shagging and mystery solving, let's not forget that if it weren't for you meddling co-editors, I would have gotten away with it too! (Mets, Cubs, Braves, and Yankees all take their series, $500 each.) Last Week: -$500. Current Balance: $12,250.Sara Edward-Corbett, Guest
In the immortal words of Kingsley Amis, nice things are nicer than nasty ones. But check out those nasty opponents! I actually pity the sordid lumps, so luckless and fetishistic. Laurie has resorted to bizarre hallucinations to deal with her sexual failings, and Kate's in such a state that she cheers herself by dreaming of Chepiga's jizzjar. While it's a shame that Aaron jettisoned my guest fortune with idiotic bets, it's nice to be back again, and nice to know that my consistently great luck insures victory. Watch this, arrogant elitists. The Mets, Red Sox, Indians, and Yankees romp ($300 each). Ward Burton wins the Diehard 500 (also $300). And I ralph tonight from excessive liquor consumption ($600). Last Week: -$2,500. Current Balance: $1,173.Sara Edward-Corbett, PC '01, won Pick the Pros this week. To be Smack Guest, play Pick the Pros at www.yaleherald.com/pickthepros.
All materials © 2000 The Yale Herald, Inc., and its staff.
Got any questions, comments, or advice? Email the online editors at
online@yaleherald.com.
Like to join us?