Varsity, schmarsity: IMs are where it's at

And you thought Watergate was bad...

In one of the biggest IM scandals to hit Yale this year, the crack investigative team of Saybrook IM secretaries busted the Branford golf team, which had allegedly used a Silliman student playing under an assumed name. Branford lost 42 points and its good name. —Anil Kalia

Mind over body, body on ice

JE A-hoops was unaccustomed to losing. Each of the last two years, the team went 10-1 in the regular season. However, the plan for a championship hit a roadblock on Tues., Jan. 18 when JE, minus star forward/flanker/punter Eric Johnson '01, lost to Trumbull by one. Suddenly, the men were in major danger of being eliminated from the championship hunt should they lose to Morse. The Morsels, an emerging A-hoops power, had won four of their first five games and were "by far the best opponent left on our schedule other than Pierson," according to JE captain Andrew Krause '00. "We win, we're still in the championship hunt. We lose, we're done."

Would the men in green fold under the pressure of the situation? Not likely. They turned to their strength—defense. Playing what Krause considered to be the team's best half of the season, JE took a 19-7 halftime lead.

The lead was at 13 with 12 minutes left in the second half, and Morse was hurting. But then Fritz Lanman '03 went down, and he was hurting worse. He separated his shoulder and had to be rushed to DUH. Jake Borden '00 and Rhone Fraser '01 left as well, to accompany Fritz. But even with three JEers gone—including the two 6'5" starters Lanman and Borden—the game had to go on. And the five remaining players (Krause, Johnson, and sophomores Aaron Lichtig, Geoffrey Chepiga, and Brendan Mc-Eneaney) would have to play the entire last 12 minutes with no breathers.

Then, shockingly, tragedy struck again, only three minutes later. Johnson went down writhing in pain from a severe ankle sprain. JE was down to four guys, and Morse was more than willing to take advantage of the situation. Yet somehow, the remaining four managed to score a few easy baskets and hold off Morse, 35-33. The forces of good had prevailed. —Michael Gerber

Don't mess with Kentucky

There are moments in our lives when we see clearly, a silent moment when the world becomes a still pool of water and our souls slide under the surface. Such moments become milestones of beauty and meaning; they mark the substance of our lives irreversibly and open us, if we are ready, to the briefest glimpses of ourselves, and the world.

I saw the TD coed soccer team in such a moment. At no other time in our history has a team been so magnificently well endowed with the most potent men and women to ever handle balls at Yale. We have the strongest senior class and freshman class in Yale IMs. Period. We come to every game, not self-assured of our imminent victory, but hungry to crush our enemies, to see them driven from before us, and to hear the lamentation of their women, who will conveniently be located on the field, since this is, after all, coed.

Our sole goal is to break other teams down like so many brittle screen doors swinging loose on Ross Eaton's porch in Kentucky. —Courtney Noble

Paging Dr. Ruth

Injury Inventory:

Tyty Phellipa '00: broken tibia, men's soccer

Wiley Kestner '02: torn quadricep, men's soccer

Greg Tigani '00: broken toe (x2), men's soccer

Mike Anestis '02: broken nose, men's soccer

Merrill Dobson '00: broken foot, women's soccer

Caitlin Klevorick '02: broken finger, women's basketball

Lucas Garrett '01: paralyzing shin splints, cross country

Courtney Noble '00: ruptured spleen, swimming

Gates Hurand '00: "groin" stress fracture, playing

Leah Dunay '00: 12 stitches, women's soccer

Stephen Salmon '00: broken third metatarsul, men's soccer; exacerbated third metatarsul, Ultimate frisbee

Adrian Nivola '00: forgot to wear insoles and did some damage to his arches, men's soccer Dan Smokler '00: separated shoulder, hockey

Dean Loge: separated pancreas, hockey

TD: broken hearts, Tyng Cup.

—Courtney Noble

Shit happens

JE's spring baseball season was as memorable as it was short-lived. In their first and last game, the Spiders managed to scrap together a team on a Thursday afternoon (when most JEers seem to have classes) to face Berkeley. Our starter on the mound was Clay Armistead '01, a star pitcher in high school. The other big talent on the team was also a former star pitcher...in the minor leagues. Dan Lock '00 led the Yale baseball team to a championship in 1994 before leaving college early when he was drafted by the Houston Astros. He's since retired and is back at Yale, finishing his academic career here, and decided to come out to the IM fields to give JE a few pointers.

Clay pitched fabulously for the first three innings, keeping the score deadlocked at 1-1, but pulled a hamstring in the top of the fourth and had to leave the game. With Clay down, there was only one other man on the JE team that knew how to pitch; faced with what would have otherwise been a sure loss, we decided to opt for a little fun instead and let Dan Lock pitch.

The 215 lb. former Ivy League pitcher of the year struck out three in a row in less than five minutes—awesome. But JE's hitting struggled and the game was still tied going into the bottom of the fifth. Lock struck out the first batter in a sizzling display of power, but walked the next one on a full count. During the next few pitches, the fleet-footed Berkeleyite managed to steal two bases. In the meanwhile, Lock was busy striking out the man at bat...or at least would have struck him out, but our catcher (a soul with more courage than experience) dropped the third strike. The batter took off towards first, the catcher scooped up the ball to throw him out, but didn't notice the man on third hurtling home. Game over, with JE's season done and Dan Lock, the professional, the man with the 93-mph fastball, getting the loss. —Michael Gerber

And the winner is...

We started out our season with a coed football game against Trumbull. Down five with two plays left, we threw a Hail Mary into the endzone. A Trumbull player whacked it from the air, directly into the waiting arms of Eileen Gibson, MC '00. Stunned (and still on the one-yard line) Eileen was tagged before she could charge in for the score. We managed to score on the next play, securing our first victory of the season. Then, in a classic coed football rivalry, Morse and Stiles staged an overtime thriller. Stiles took the ball first and drove down the field looking to score. But with only a couple of chances left, Stiles heaved the ball up, and it was picked off by Dirk Van Den Bos '01. Racing down the field, Dirk looked like he might be caught, but just in time he dumped it off to Kendell Enyard '01, who raced in for the winning score, raising our record to 9-2. Morse had similar great wins in tennis, (thanks particularly to John McWilliams '00) as well as hockey, men's squash, and of course, basketball. All in all, these were just two in many victories en route to our Tyng victory. —Dan Wilderman

The acceptance speech

To every athlete with whom I've had the good fortune to share the fields this past four years. To my fellow secretaries: I always claim that I've been doing this job for longer than anyone else, but I am nonetheless grateful for your hard work, inspiration, and all-around good company. To those continuing the tradition—Dave, Amit, Ben, and Katie, Stephanie, Sara, Adam, Josh, Brian, Gerber, Justin, Sara, and all the rest. To the seniors, Courtney, Merrill, Gates, Rebecca, Anil, Matt, Carl, Santi, Patrick, Aleks, and anyone else I forgot. Wilderman—my stat partner in crime—when the magic number hits zero, you will deserve every ounce of what you have worked for. Morse is very lucky. Many thanks for your friendship. That's it, everyone. One more week of IMs. It's been fun—and I imagine that's the best way I can put it. —Shane Dizon

Photo by David Gest.

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