Jonathan Edwards

The highlights of the JE Spiders have definitely been with the men's A-hoops team, captained by Rob Welhoelter '99 and assisted by Alfredo Maldonado '99. The squad's current record stands at 4-1, pending a protest against the unsportsmanlike Silly-manders, who played a former varsity letterman disguised as a lowly IM athlete.

Another reason for JE's imminent rise to IM stardom is the women's hoops team. With many members of last year's championship team returning, captain Sarah Lieberman '99, is ready to lead the team in another season of domination. The women are 1-0, and looking to dominate.

Look for surprising greatness in JE's water polo and bowling teams. Bowling captain Chip Schradin '98, famed for his sixth finger, is boasting a team backed by the greatest athlete of all time. Water polo is likely to draw out JE's reserves of really masculine women who will destroy other teams by their mere sight.

Historically, a college in eighth place after the fall semester has never made a comeback to finish first, but with JE you just never know. JE is crazy like that.

(Compiled by a man quite frequently confused for Mark Wahlberg in his role as a porn star with a certain huge and misshapen body part.)

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