ELItorial: Debunking society's fear of failure

By Sharon Lin

I have never believed in manipulating games to let little kids win. Children have to learn how to win on their own terms and at their own pace, because eventually someone like me won't let them win. When they lose for the first time, there are bound to be cries of "no fair!" But that's precisely it. It wasn't fair to their development to let them win all the time.

All this is symptomatic of a cultural fear of failure. In this newly shiny-happy, all-accepting society, many forms of blatant competition off the court or field are frowned upon. No more "Me" generation, no more greed. It's all about leveling the playing field.

I imagine that this same fear of failure may also have had something to do with the College Board's decision to recenter SAT scores in 1995. When people note that younger siblings get higher scores on these standardized tests, others quickly add, "But those are recentered, of course." Nobody's fooled.

During senior year in high school, we elected the following year's crew captains from the junior class. We sent the candidates away and began deliberations. No girl was the obvious choice, making the conference difficult. Tri-captaincy was suggested and passed, effectively making three of four seniors captains. Put that on your resume. Each was a great leader in her own right, but when Americans choose a president, we only get one. It would be great to blend the leadership styles, but tri-captains seemed excessive.

Our decision made, we sent for the hopefuls and announced the news. And everybody hugged. On their faces was a mixture of relief and disappointment--everyone fears failure, but at the same time, each wanted to be the clear winner. Each was also probably wondering why she hadn't been an obvious choice. Sometimes shared glory just isn't as glorious.

At high school math contests, the awards ceremony always included the phrase, "You are all winners." At one tournament, everyone received big plastic paper clips bearing the declaration, "Winner." "Winner" became a mocking term--as in, "You're a winner." Snicker. There are certain school districts with "no-cut" policies, where everyone makes the team, squad, or marching band--just another part of this modern cult of mediocrity.

It's not in everyone's best interest if you allow a scrawny kid to get mauled by an average-sized football team. People need to learn their limitations. Without auditions, the chorus suffers and the orchestra is out of tune. Those who are actually good get frustrated and are pulled down and/or quit the organization. What is the price, then, of egalitarianism? It means no state championships and no recognition. You get some soothed souls and a sense of false acceptance. Those who do not get pulled down, who excel on their own despite these policies, are the true winners.

In the interests of freshman academics and blanket acceptance, Yale abolished the painful practice of "heeling," where freshmen hoping to enter a particular organization were put through various painful ordeals. Although reinstatement of this drudgery may not be the best thing, many alums decried the end of heeling, blaming it for the decline and fall in the quality of some campus organizations. It's like tryouts, rush, and pledges' hell weeks: once you're through it, you've survived. This survival is one of the things that bonds your team, pledge class, or group. While you're downing your 20th glass of clam juice, running through CCL in your drawers, or lugging the varsity's dirty laundry to a steamy laundromat, you may want to see an end "this stupid tradition." But then you finally make it, and what seemed like a stupid and painful act back then is now simply a tradition, a rite of passage.

Since when did people--especially kids--begin to require so much coddling, care, and sensitivity? This kinder, gentler stuff is outdated. There's nothing wrong with being picked last in something, be it kickball or the spelling team line-up. If ability tracking occurs naturally, maybe there's a reason for it. Individuals will eventually be separated by their capabilities, so they ought to get used to it. Not everyone is a winner all the time. Masking or attempting to cover differences in ability does not serve anyone well in the long run.

People are different and should just accept it, instead of pretending that we're all winners.

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