Ivy League Notebook, Yale Index

Ivy League Notebook

Bulletproof vests will make their debut in Pennsylvania classrooms this fall after an event which verifies that its campus is the most dangerous place on Earth. Last month, a senior was shot in the leg while working on his final project in an architecture classroom. The bullet was a stray shot from an incident on the street following the Philadelphia Public League Boys Basketball Championships taking place on campus. The shooting left one man dead and two others wounded.

The student remained in good spirits after he realized he had been shot. When he figured out what happened, he began joking that "he hoped he could get a extension on his project." The student thankfully told reporters, "I'm just glad it didn't hit my penis." The student did not blame the University for the incident--but he was angry with the school's medical services. "I was getting worried because it took forever for the freakin' ambulance to get to me," he remarked. No arrests have been made.

Dartmouth

The other Ivy League school located in an urban jungle like West Philly (a.k.a. Hanover, NH) also had serious issues of crime to address. Before spring break, a female student living in Streeter Residence Hall entered her bathroom to find an unidentified man running out. The man later called her, saying, "You were looking so sexy in the bathroom." The incident raised many concerns about keeping non-Dartmouth students out of the dorms. The possibility that this intruder might have been a student seems to have slipped the mind of the Dartmouth police force.

To address these concerns, security officials and students met to discuss safety at Dartmouth. Many great ideas were proposed; for instance, one especially astute attendee suggested locking (you know, with a key and one of those "turny" things in the door) the entrances to dormitories. This would keep anyone without a key out of the dorms since the doors would be locked. Other ideas included using campus phones for deliveries and increasing police surveillance.

-Compiled by Mike Buckstein from The Dartmouth and The Daily Pennsylvanian

YALE INDEX
1. Percentage of movie industry analysts who speculate that Leonardo DiCaprio didn't show up for the Oscars because he was perturbed that he was the only person associated with the movie Titanic not nominated for an Oscar	57
2. Percentage of movie industry analysts who postulate that DiCaprio didn't show up because he didn't want to detract from the 117 other people associated with the film who actually were nomiated	41
3. Percentage of movie industry analysts who believe that DiCaprio didn't show up because they actually think he "froze and sunk to the bottom of the ocean"	2
4. Number of Index writers, out of 134, who assert that the real reason "Leo" didn't show up is because he couldn't get that darn iron mask off his face	2
5. Number of index writers, out of 57, who surmise that the only reason Kate Winslet was even nominated for Best Actress is that she showed her "rosy areolae" in a PG-13 movie	2
6. Number of years it took Yale to make $6 billion	297
7. Number of weeks it took Titanic to make $1 billion	14
8. Approximate number of times ads for the new movie Wild Things ran during the NCAA men's basketball tournament	523
9. Number of Yalies, past and present, who subsequently became infatuated with "that girl who's not Neve Campbell"	523
10. Expected earnings of the recently proposed movie exploiting the 1986 Challenger explosion entitled Challenger: The Explosion, featuring "that girl who's not Neve Campbell" as Christa McAuliffe, whose budding romance with "Leo" is tragically cut short by an unexpected plunge into the frigid North Atlantic (in billions of dollars)	1.5

--Compiled by Kevin Irwin and Jeremy Rissi

Sources: 1,2) Varios TV broadcasts; 3) Leo Illustrated; 4,5) Index Staff; 6,7) Yale Daily News, 3/23/98; 8) CBS; 9) Jeff Louie, PC'97 10)b.U.G. Investment Analysts

LIZ OLINER/YH Internationally renowned defense attorney Micahel Tigar talked it up with students at Slifka before delivering a lecture entitled 'The Ethics of Compassion' at the Law School on Tues., Mar. 24.

Back to News...