ELItorial: Weenie-binning with the Swimsuit Issue

By Sharon Lin

In fifth grade, it was the most titillating thing since the Judy Blume classic, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. The school library destroyed its only copy of the issue (though we liked to think one of the teachers took it), so kids would bring copies from home and we would surreptitiously pore over it. I used to think the title was a misnomer; no one could swim in those suits, but then I realized the magazine's true function.

Recalling this purpose, I began to read, cover-to-cover. As usual, I learned a lot. From the interspersed text, I learned the following: the Maldives converted to Islam in 1153; nyak and aaoo are "cooking oil" and "fish" in Indonesian; in Kenya, a courtship jumping dance induces trances; and Ecuadoreans eat roasted guinea pigs. In the "Physics Illustrated" spread, a blonde visual aid demonstrated the unusual physical phenomena of the equator.

SI begins its journey around the equator without legitimizing the presence of a swimsuit in the grasslands of Kenya. Wet nipples and tan lines abound in the Maldives spread (the Maldives, a Sunni Muslim nation, bans magazines with indecent women). In the Galapagos, models contrast sharply with blubbery seals and wrinkled tortoises. Although many pictures were unusual, the final spread, in Ecuador, is downright weird. It features one model wearing wool knee socks and Birkenstocks, and another with a serious wedgie problem posing in a sweater and calf-high L.L. Bean duck boots with blurry llamas in the background.

Honestly, I don't mind the objectification of women--but I want to see similiar objectification of men. Seven athletes from the NFL, NBA, PGA, and major league baseball are featured with their wives. Too bad SI didn't get famous female athletes with their handsome husbands. I found the centerfold of Janet Jones (Mrs. Wayne Gretzky) in a red bikini and hockey gear appealing, perhaps because I wouldn't mind being in her position. But while four of the athletes posed without shirts, The Great One was disappointingly clad in black from neck to toe. Only Denny Neagle is more modest--he's wearing a full Braves uniform, complete with baseball mitt.

I do object to the use of ethnic peoples as background in fashion shoots. The contrast is interesting, but what does it imply about beauty in America? Because the American ideal is different from the Maasai interpretations of good looks, the tribesmen seem confused. The cheapest swimsuit was a $30 crochet string bikini, the most expensive, a $995 Gucci number that wasn't much more substantial. For that price, I want the plane ticket to Kenya, too. The average price of the 67 swimsuits was $164.93 (custom-made suits, such as the faux fur one, were not included in this calculation). According to the 1997 World Almanac, the per capita income in Kenya is $1,170. In the Maldives, it's $1,500; Indonesia, $3,090; and Ecuador, $3,840. Kenya has one television set per 106 people--that's quite a crowd around the village TV watching "Making of the Swimsuit Issue." As a representation of American values, the Swimsuit Issue says a lot.

According to Harper's Index, SI's female readership triples for the Swimsuit Issue. Like Playboy, it is tailored to male ideas of female pulchritude rather than female perceptions, and probably offers more insight into the physical attributes men prefer. SI's models wear less makeup and look more natural, more comfortable than the women in outlandish postures for fashion spreads geared towards women. Overall, the women of the Swimsuit Issue look healthier than the ones in other fashion magazines, despite the occasional fake breasts and tans. In general, it seems that men like long, straight hair, rather than the unnatural, contrived hairstyles one sees elsewhere. The issue also reinforces the stereotype I've always heard: most men like meat.

The popularity of the Swimsuit Issue among American men indicates that it is from these pages, not in women's fashion magazines, that we can learn about male ideas of sex appeal and attractiveness. Some of the pictures accompanying the articles show women doing amazing acts of yoga or martial arts. Remembering the "I believe sweat is sexy" Reebok commercials, I imagined a whole issue devoted to women doing real, sweaty things in normal clothes.

What will Sports Illustrated pick next? Swimsuits of the Sahara and Gobi? Polar ice caps? Canals? Zoos? As we always say in sports, "Wait 'til next year."

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