Calhoun

As winter turns to spring and back to winter again, we've been scouring the courtyards, the dorms, the basement, and the steam tunnels in search of women. Yeah, I know, we could probably spend our time better finding femmes for our arms, but, right now, we need the womanly touch in the IM war effort.

We need to spend less time thinking of Denise Richards in her beautiful soft porn and start thinking of Nicole "My pitches look like" Emmons "yet nobody can hit them" '98 and her beautiful softball game. This past Wednesday, we were able to find the necessary number of females, thanks to Liz "Playing softball gonna help you write your senior essay?" Dawson '98 and catcher Alex "Now it's your turn to think of these names" McClain '01.

Of course, as great as Emmons, Dawson, and McClain are, the 'Houn would probably have suffered a defeat without the help of its men. Jared Beltz "The ball over the wall" '00, Andy "Happy" Healy '98, and "Handsome" Dan "Thanks, Toby" Fleschner '01 patrolled the infield. Grazing in the outfield grass was Sherlock "Carl Lewis" Grigsby '98, who realized that he couldn't slide, so instead kicked the catcher in the head, and Ethan "My skills should be used in a video for softball" Campbell '98.

(Compiled by a secretary who wants to introduce McClain as the newest member of the 'Houn IM team.)

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