Around The Globe, Yale Index

Around The Globe

A three-year-old London boy is having a bit of problem controlling the volume of his voice--he cannot speak without yelling. The child, who does not have any hearing problems, is driving his family members crazy (except for his hard of hearing granny) by shouting whenever he talks. The boy shouts so loudly and so often that he has developed nodules on his vocal cords--a symptom usually only seen in opera singers, football managers, New York sports fans, and those in other high-decibel occupations.

British doctors who have examined the boy are "stumped" by his condition. No clinical explanation has been discovered for the the boy's disorder. Some doctors have suggested that the problem might just be a psychological ploy for attention that he will overcome when he learns how to get attention in other ways. A certain proctologist in the United States had another opinion--he suggested that "this child needs a good, swift kick in the ass."

Dictionary doldrums in Chile

The Pacific port city of Antofagasta is having a bit of a problem with its name: top Spanish "language-maestros" have officially made the term Antofagasta a derogatory one. The city name will forever appear in the new historical dictionaries of the Madrid Spanish Language Academy with the unpleasant definition of "a person whose presence in a salon gathering or cafe is undesirable or irritating." The new definition will only appear in historical dictionaries.

The citizens of Antofagasta are outraged and fear the whole world will ridicule them (even more so than usual). They are fighting back by flying flags in the city's streets to show just how outraged they are. The city council (who, for the record, is in fact undesirable and irritating) has also participated in a vehement protestation declaring the neologism "an insult and an attack on the dignity of its citizens." They plan on sending a delegation to Santiago to present their case to Spanish Embassy and the Chilean Language Academy.

Until the definiton changes, avoid any Antofagastans at Xando.

--Compiled by Mike Buckstein
from The Arab News

YALE INDEX
1. Number of students who were out on Cross Campus Lawn on any given afternoon this past weekend	170
2. Number of students who were in Cross Campus Library on any given afternoon this past weekend	270
3. Number of students out sunning on the lawn who should have stuck to the cozy confines of the library	70
4. Number of students stuck in the cozy confines of the library who should have been outside getting a little sun	270
5. Number of students who will next year have to cram into the cozy confines of what this year is a Davenport "double" due to the housing squeeze	70
6. Number of D-porters who don't know what the third planet from the sun is	270
7. Number of D-porters who didn't get that last joke	170
8. Number of D-porters who just don't get it	70
9. Number of incoming freshmen named "Claire Danes" who requested to be in Davenport	0
10. Total number of incoming freshmen who requested to be in Davenport	0
11. Number of Index writers who really, really, really wanted to be in Davenport real bad but didn't get in	2
12. Number of D-porters who believed we wanted to be EP&E majors	70

--Compiled by Kevin Irwin and Jeremy Rissi

Sources: 1-12) Daniel A. Wilderman, MC '00, president of emeritus and co-founder of the Great Neck, NY chapter of the Hanson Fan Club

LIZ OLINER/YH WHITE OUT: The Student Coalition for Diversity, Student Labor Action Committee, and other groups painted their faces white to protest the backlash against affirmative action on Wed., Apr. 1.

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