Confronting the Florida problem

Cluefon
    By Dan Dudis

Imagine that you came into possession of a large card-board cut-out of the United States. And then imagine you were to take it and view it edge on, your nose abutting Key West. What would you see? Looming large, and slightly to your right, would be Miami. To your left and up higher would be Tampa. Disney World would be even further, but nonetheless still close. In sum, your vision would be a panorama of sun, sand, condos, golf courses, palm trees, and...old people. Old people everywhere. Driving Cadillacs. Shopping at Publix. Collecting Social Security. Getting sick. Collecting Medicare. What you would see is Florida. If your vision is better than that of the granny who just rear-ended a minivan carrying four kids on the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, you might be able to make out the Capitol and the Statue of Liberty on the distant horizon. Perhaps, if your vision is 20/20, you might catch a glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge or the Space Needle. But all these would be purely peripheral; it would be Florida that dominates your vision.

Dante's lost canto? The set of Scream III? No, the above vision (OK, I made up the Sunshine Skyway part) is part of an ad campaign entitled "The United States of Florida" presented by a public action group concerned with the coming Social Security and Medicare crises. The ad is a powerful one, pointedly reminding us youngsters that the boomers are graying--quickly. In a few decades, our entire nation will become senior, sunshine, and citrus-centric. We've all been to Flo-rida. And we've all been appalled. But what are we to do?

Aside from emigrating, the obvious answer is to stay the hell away from Florida. But Floridians are a wily, crafty people. Disney World aside, they have a way of making their dreams come true. They're old, they vote, and they're addicted to Social Security and Medicare. And the rest of us are paying for their nasty habit. The United States of Florida ad campaign argues that Social Security and Medicare have to be drastically reformed while there's still time.

"What's the rush?" you might ask. The aging baby boomers, that's what. When they retire and start collecting, it will be too late. The cost of footing the bill for our parents' retirement will be too great. The systems will go broke. But by that point, the boomers will already be addicted; they will be a giant, monolithic voting bloc of seniors addicted to federal largess. Then what are we to we do? I can't answer that one, although I would point out that we do possess a large nuclear arsenal that is just waiting to be put to use. Why, the one meant for the Keys could even "accidentally" stray from its course and land, say, in Fidel's bedroom a mere 90 miles to the south.

While I couldn't answer the last question, I will attempt to tackle the related issue of what to do now. The United States of Florida ad campaign is right. Something must be done. But I would go further than drastic reform--how about simple elimination? For all of America's complaining about the poor living on the federal dole, it is really the middle class who are the most fully subsidized.

What the American middle class needs is a culture change. We, as a society, save less than any other industrial nation. Ending Social Security as we know it would add credence to all the recent rhetoric about responsibility. In addition to doing little to encourage financial savvy, the Social Security system is at best an inefficient means of saving. After a gradual phase-out during which current addicts are allowed to kick it, the Social Security system should be replaced with a tax incentive that encourages long-term saving. This radically simple idea, that people should save for their own retirements, would replace the current system by which the old live the Floridian good life, while the young pay for their grandparents' entitlement programs.

Unfortunately, Social Security is not the only example of Floridian tyranny--Medicare is another. The federal government should not be playing the role of an insurance company. That should be left to Hartford. As with Social Security, Medicare should be gradually phased out. It used to be that employer-provided insurance covered all medical expenses throughout one's lifetime. Then Medicare stepped in. We should go back to the old system of employer-provided coverage. In exchange for slightly higher premiums (read: slightly lower wages) throughout one's working lifetime, employer-provided health insurance would cover all health care costs during retirement. Of course, there will always be seniors who are poor and uninsured. These people--not the middle and upper classes--should continue to receive federal money.

As you return to gazing up the immense pendular mass that hangs down from the rest of the dwarfed fabulous 47, you can not help but be struck by the Freudian nature of the Floridian peninsula. But Freud aside, and Viagra not withstanding, Florida's immense size is not a sign of virility. Rather, Florida represents our nation's weakness. Social Security and Medicare cannot be sustained. They must be eliminated before it's not too late.

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