Timothy Dwight

Still, we had a tough week. Saybrook and Stiles were strong opponents, but TD took every other game this week to add to its ever-expanding margin.

Coed football has been simply brilliant. Marlon "Queen" Lutfiyya '97 and Steve "An Alaska Roll is inside-out, with cucmber, avocado and" Salmon '99 are giving defenses fits. Tiffany "007" Zwicker '99 and Lou "Weezer" Baker '99 both score with alarming regularity. And on defense--we must mention Leah "The Blanket" Zimmerman '02 and Mary Pat "I wish I were in Paris" Mahnensmith '00.

Men's football is also running a great System-R. Bobby "Up Yours" Winslow '00 continues as our engine, while Zach "Persian Goggles" Boisi '01, Roy "Go Jhankees" Lorieo '01, and Carlos "Hey, man, don't blame me for IM cross country" Garcia '01 are huge producers. One more game against Branford, gentlemen--let's win it. A quick shout to tennis and table tennis: good showing against Berkeley, be proud.

Time to devote some space to the most athletic women at Yale. Women's soccer has given up only two goals in eight games, while scoring well over 40. Leah "Atalanta" Dunay '00 posts regular hat-tricks, Andrea "The Ultimate Warrior" Stewart '02 is unbeatable on defense, Thea "Thor" Handelman '01 is a dangerously clever passer and it's a shame that Eleanor Kyung '98 didn't start playing this game earlier in life.

Likewise, the cross country women nearly swept their division. Becky "Whoa, what are you doing in a red shirt?" Park '01, Nina "No more football for me, like, ever" Mahendra '00 and Devondra "Marathon" McMillan '99 all placed high. Looking to see Janet McLaren '99, Leah Dunay '00, Alyssa Chen '99, Sally Peacock '99, and Leah Zimmerman '02 out there as well.

We'll finish this with men's soccer this week--it has been my pleasure to play with all season. We delivered a 6-0 clinic to a talented Stiles squad on Friday, and I have never been involved with such an intelligent game of soccer in my four years here. My respect and admiration go to the entire team, specifically Adrian "Draft Dodger" Nivola '00, Greg "El Seed" Tigani '99, Thomas "The Tenessee Tunneler" Kane '01, "Sc"Rohit Malik '00, Chris "Isaak" Williams '99, Danny "Big" MacPhee '01, Matthew "Sleeping in my room at night is an absolute pleasure" Kennedy '02, and Wiley "Wiley" Kestner '02. Gentlemen, let's play every game this way.

So to the rest of Yale we say: "These are not the droids you're looking for."

(Compiled by Paul Schaffer and the CBS Orchestra.)

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