Berkeley

In the beginning, there were Berkeley IMs. On the first day, God created the Berkeley table tennis team, led by Cindy "Adam" Wang '99 and Albert "Eve" Chen '00. And it was good. So good, in fact, that on the second through fifth days, when God tried to create other teams to beat BK, He simply could not do it. "God dammit," God said. "What hath God wrought?"

And lo, the Pierson soccer team looked back and was turned into one giant pillar of salt by Jeff "Lot" Thorn '99 and Simeon "Lot's wife" Papacostas '02.

Sinners, beware. Do not follow the fate of Trumbull, who angered God and was swallowed by Wes "Whale" Warren '00, Jee-Yeon "Jonah" Park '02, and the rest of the co-ed football team.

And this God decrees, through me, His chosen mouthpiece: On Mon., Oct. 12, the sun will melt, and God will judge the winners and the losers. And He will judge that Carrie "her family has been here longer than God" Trowbridge '99 and Jason "nicer than Jesus" Choy '99 are fit to sit at his right hand in the kingdom of cross country, forever and ever. Amen.

And it will be good.

(Compiled by Satan.)

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