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CalhounIn a stunning development that rocked the IM world, Calhoun earned points in cross country. That's right, thanks to Tony Lewis "can't lose" '00, Matthew "I'll just stay at the Holiday Inn" Goldenberg '99, and Sergio "Dan doesn't know me, but he likes me because I run" Rivas '02. But even they could not have won without the last-minute entry of Tobin Mathew Abraham '01, a fan of the Nickelodeon television program Hey Dude, whose stellar, Willis Reed-like performance (except that he wasn't injured, but who cares? Most of you don't even know who Willis Reed is), actually enabled the 'Houn to finish before seven other colleges.Tobin (or Tobs, as he is often called), became the self-proclaimed IM "bitch" last week, as he also came out (against his will) for soccer. Luckily for all parties involved, JE was so frightened when they saw Tobin warming up that they forfeited on the spot. Speaking of the men's soccer team, it has been a bit of a rough year for the 'Houn. After multiple undefeated seasons in the '90s, the team went downhill last year but came through to win the post-season Discover Card shirts. This year, though, under the shoddy captainship of Dan "I tried to tear all the clothes off her" Fleschner "but she threatened to sue" '01, the 'Houn is looking to salvage a winning season and get ready for the spring coed season. We know The Ras '99 will certainly be ready for some coed action. Now that the fall season is over, the denizens of 189 Elm St. are ready to tackle the winter. With a slew of returning players in every sport, the 'Houn will make its usual run to the top of the standings by, oh, I'd say, approximately February 11. After all, they've got Nate Beyor '01.
(Compiled by an IM secretary whose self-deprecating humor is enjoyed by all except his mother, who thinks he deserves better.)
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