House of Payne or House of Style?

JULIA TIERNAN/YH Maxing out every which way at the Payne.

Fashion, it seems, has turned into a sporting event in more ways than one. You could bench-press the stacks of magazines heralding "athletic chic"--if you could survive the fumes from the perfume strips.

Designers have taken inspiration from gym attire and integrated pre-existing sportswear to create an athletic aesthetic for the past few seasons. Prada introduced this idea in her fall/winter '97 show, pairing chiffon dresses and high heels with hooded sweat-jackets and fleece pullovers. These $700 sweat-jackets, unfortunately, invoked the same moral outrage as the $800 Chanel khakis from the previous year. This indignation has disappeared as a diaspora of athletic styling that has pervaded the fashion shows season after season. Drawstrings and hoods are now found on everything from sleeveless stretch tops to cashmere sweaters. Pencil-cut suits with Nike aqua socks are paraded down the runway at Helmut Lang, while Lucien Pellat-Finet has New Balance create custom-made suede sneakers for a cashmere presentation. Giorgio Armani comes out with running shoes in the requisite black and charcoal gray. All of this is given life in the outside world as the freshest of the fresh kids combine the latest Nikes with Dolce & Gabbana, and Kate Moss poses for the latest Dior ad in a quasi-gym (probably the closest she has ever been to exercise equipment).

With all the hype surrounding this latest brainchild of style, one must look to the roots of this craze. We must delve into the inspiration behind the fashion, peel back the sweaty layers, and reveal the beginnings of "athletic chic." We must go to a place where clothing is taken for granted--in quantity, style, and cleanliness. We must travel to Payne Whitney Gymnasium, the sweaty birth mother of style, as well as its ugly stepchildren.

I realize the gym is not supposed to be a fashion show. My mom used to say the same thing about school as I took my hour and a half to select the day's wardrobe. I shall therefore ignore this gym edict as I ignored my mother. Upon entering the gym, one notices that the womenswear line is being presented on the left half of the gym--i.e. land of the treadmill, StairMaster, erg, and some strangely gynecological-looking machines. It is here that the accoutrements of anorexia are used to perspire their way into another Bebe tube top at Toad's--that is, until the next serving of the fried mozzarella slabs in the dining hall.

Denizens of the gym fall into several categories, one notices after frequent visits to Payne. There are the Spandex Girls--a different breed from girls who wear spandex. Some girls wear spandex to the gym because it facilitates flexibility and leaves little to sweat up.

On the other hand, there are the girls who have the latest matching Adidas itty-bitty sports bra and shorts paired with the latest Nike sneakers. They are, strangely enough, in full makeup for their hour-long sweat session. Why even front like you want to work out? Simply swish your way around the gym like a debutante at a ball without that pesky gown and drop your number in the laps of the guys you have your eye on. By the time you are done, you will have had an even harder workout than the level one stare-a-thon on the StairMaster.

More common at Payne is the unisex Adidas trek sneaker, Patagucci shorts, and private school long sleeved shirt ensemble. Particularly hot right now are any of the Phillips academies, as well as Deerfield and Choate.

As you follow the sounds of clangs and grunts to the right of the gym, the menswear presentation comes into view. There is no one look--except for the guy with the glasses who always wears the torn, too-tight, purple polo--but there are a whole lot of flagrant fashion offenses. Guys, please wash your gym clothes. I know for a fact that Hanes underwear shirts do not come in mocha. Do not fall under the mistaken belief that because you only wear the clothes for an hour a day, they do not need cleaning. It is the dirtiest, smelliest, sweatiest, beastliest hour of your life. I must also request that we cease and desist all wearing of half shirts with no sleeves, as well as prevent their further creation. Hey Mr. Fashion Designer, would you walk out in public like that, much less into the Yale party that is the gym? Don't get handy with the scissors.

The strangest stylistic maneuver, however, is the jeans, boots, and T-shirt look. Did you accidentally walk into a large building with strange, heavy steel things and start lifting them?

Dressing properly is important. Therefore, men, keep it simple and loose. Anything Polo Sport is a plus, but certainly not necessary. Women, keep it simple, dark (we don't want to see where you are sweating), and, if you have the body, tight. As soon as you are done working out, you can toss on more athletic gear and still look stylish. Remember, Prada does have a new Sport line...

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