The very weirdest of Halloween tales

If your idea of the ultimate Halloween is 30 kegs and one giant paper-maché pumpkin, maybe you should go to Sigma Alpha Epsilon's "Night of the Great Pumpkin" bash at UC Santa Barbara. In stark contrast to this Pacific Coast eve of debauchery is Yale's own All Hallow's Eve, where on any given Oct. 31 one can be sure to find a full orchestra, one dining hall dance, scary gothic architecture, and even scarier students dressed up as their favorite reactionary conservatives.

Halloween at Yale is definitely a random event, but it has sparked some of Yale's most cherished holiday traditions. The Yale Symphony Orchestra (YSO) has performed its annual Halloween Concert for a sold-out Woolsey crowd since the late 1970s, and the Pierson Inferno has boasted a ghoulish gathering every year since the early '80s. Memories of past Halloweens, however, are few and far between--most Yalies conveniently can't remember where they were, what they did, or who they woke up next to. So, in honor of this Hallmark pagan ritual, I present what I've found to be the best of the best, weirdest of the weirdest, most outlandish Yale Halloween incidents of late.

Most screwed-up incident at a YSO Halloween concert (tie):

1. Thurs., Oct. 31, 1996: After opening the concert with the appearance of a costumed, electric guitar playing trio of Yale students, one band member filled his mouth with lighter fluid in an attempt to spew a giant fireball. In front of a packed Woolsey Hall, this "rock star" proceeded to spill fluid on his hands and set his arms and half of his torso on fire as a result. (As recounted by Loren Stewart, BR '99.)

2. Fri., Oct. 31, 1997: One student, after clearly having far too much to drink, ventured to the front row of the Woolsey balcony seats and proceeded to throw up on the spectators down below. (As recounted by David Goldenberg, CC '01.)

Most entertaining Halloween costume recently sported by a Yale student:

Fri., Oct. 31, 1997: Steven Yang, TC '97, as a Yale University Student Identification Card. Costume created using one large section of posterboard with student's face positioned as the actual ID photograph.

Least entertaining Halloween costume sported by a Yale student:

Fri., Oct. 31, 1997: Student dressed as William F. Buckley, Jr., DC '49, Costume created using one three-piece suit and a name tag. (As recounted by Randy Wolfe, BR '01.)

Best response by a Yale student when police officers caught a group of vandals stealing a Harkness Tower security gate:

Tues., Oct. 31, 1995: "Uh, it was just sitting there." (As recounted by Frecky Lewis, TD '98, MED '02.)

Greatest near-apocalyptic incident at the Pierson Inferno and the conversation that followed:

Jesus Christ's appearance in the Pierson College dining hall to a Resident Fellow, who happened to be dressed as a priest.

Pierson College Dean Christa Dove: Father, you just missed Jesus.

Priest: Where? I've always wanted to meet him. (As recounted by Dean Dove herself.)

Most energetic portrayal of a prehistoric ritual monument:

Eight students in Pierson dressed up as the individual boulders that together comprise Stonehenge. (As recounted, once again, by Dove.)

Best summary of an "average" Yale Halloween, put to music:

Scene I: Old Campus. Curtain opens. Enter left two Yale students, one costumed as Orgazmo, the other as John Locke. Dancing joyfully, they arrive at center stage. Cue orchestra to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music.

Student 1 (Orgazmo): "Snickers and pumpkins, three shots and a forty. Reeses and Popov clog up my aorta. Halloween night all dressed up drinking stout. I'll go to YSO if I don't pass out."

Student 2 (Locke): "Midterms are over, and now it's November. Students dress up geared to slash, knife, dismember. Yale Hallow's Eve, it's the best time of year. What's better than finals to instill in us fear?"

Orgazmo: "I'm feeling sick, all that candy I ate."

Locke: "Just go to sleep, tomorrow's a `blank slate.'"

Exit stage right.

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