Pierson

This week, James "The Stud" Yu '99 came through with a big goal in a 4-1 win over JE, giving the Pierson cavalry a 3-4 record. Also in soccer news, Jonas "Guns" Heymann '02 broke a world record for longest throw in the history of human existence as he knocked a random rider from her horse across the field. Amazing save! Tim "Gimme some" Lovelock '01 refuses to allow a point- blank rocket from JE to make him look like a sucker. (Rumor has it that moments earlier, Tim fed the JE forward this big chance just to prove his worth.)

In the only other sport Pierson plays, table-tennis, Schof "Steve" Hannan '01 continues to wow opponents with his spin and power. Schof was quoted as saying, "I just wish they'd call me `The Paddle'." Martha "The Smack" Gates '01 has rallied the Pierson women with her unrivaled smashes. Standing upwards of 40 feet from the table, junior star Luis "Spins" Nkrumah refused to comment on recent allegations of relation to the beloved Forrest Gump.

In tennis, Pierson will fight to stay alive this Friday, so come represent us and show those other colleges we know how to use our rackets, goddammit! Pierson fights to stay out of the gutter...and refuses to go quietly into the night.

(Compiled by a distraught sports fan.)

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