Ivy League Notebook and Yale Index

Princeton student athletes training for Salt Lake City glory may be dealt a debilitating blow. University President Howard Shapiro has come down in favor of discontinuing the Nude Olympics, in which sophomores run naked through a campus courtyard following the first snowfall of the year.

Shapiro noted that in the centuries since the Olympics began, there have been many innovations in the field of athletic training, such as the wearing of clothes. The fact that nine students went down with injuries this year weighed heavily in his recommendation. It looks like in the future, the many fine members of the Princeton student body will be forced to showcase their talents in other ways.

Pennsylvania

A wave of nausea and vomiting struck the University of Pennsylvania's campus as the student body realized en masse that they attended Penn. The students reached this revelation over dinner at dining halls across campus. One moment they were enjoying a steaming plate of soylada and the next they were dashing for the restrooms. Aramark reportedly was not involved in the incident in any way.

University officials blamed the campus malaise on "an influenza-like bug." Other Ivy League university officials expressed sympathy for the fallen, or at least doubled-over Penn students. To halt the epidemic, they recommended changing the University of Pennsylvania's name to Yale.

Cornell

Big Red students set out to prove that things actually do happen in Ithaca, N.Y., once in a while. Wanting to show that they were "da bomb," students instead tried to make one. Unfortunately, they were only competent enough to produce what university police described as a "device."

They did, however, succeed in getting residents of North Baker dorm out of their rooms for the first time in weeks. No fraternity parties were reported, however.

--Compiled by Dave Oppenheim from the The Daily Princetoninan, The Daily Pennsylvanian, and Cornell Daily Sun.

YALE INDEX
1. Butter used by the Doodle, in pounds per week	50
2. Calories per pound of butter	4091
3. Calories of Doodle butter per Yale student per school year	1227
4. Calories burned walking to the Doodle from JE	2
5. Number of trips to the Doodle required to burn off calories	614
6. Number of trips per school day	3
7. Solid butter used by YUDH since July 1, in pounds	6322
8. Butter patties used by YUDH since July 1, in pounds	1626
9. Total butter used by YUDH since July 1, in pounds	7948
10. Calories of YUDH butter per student per school year	6503
11. Calories burned walking to a dining hall	1.5
12. Number of trips to dining hall required to burn off calories, per day	22
13. Number of trips to dining hall allowed per day, 21-meal plan	3
14. Number of trips to Doodle allowed per day	infinity

—Compiled by Gelf and the Slifsta

Sources: 1, 14) Darlene; 2) Stryer's Biochemistry; 3) Math 112; 4, 11) Our legs; 5) Long division; 6) Short division; 7, 8) Richard Krom, YUDH; 9) Addition;
10) Plain division; 12) Surprise!...division; 13) Connie

JULIA TIERNAN/YH FORWARD MARCH: Tailback Rashad Bartholomew, SY '01, has left the gridiron for the confines of Payne Whitney Gym, where he hosted boot camp twice last week.

Back to News...