Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall

COURTESY YAHOO MAPS

"Life's a journey, not a destination," Steven Tyler, rock 'n' roll's great-lipped sage and prophet, once sang. The truth of his proclamation is never more evident than during Harvard Weekend in even-numbered years when, by the thousands, we climb into our roommates' cars and make the 140-mile trek up to Cambridge. There is much fun to be had on this journey, many a highway Burger King to visit, many a game of 20 Questions to be played. But you can only pack so much, for though the highway is winding, the trip is only about two and a half hours long and trunk space is always limited. Here's some help on deciding what to bring and what to do:

1. A mix tape full of intense, rousing songs. You can easily make such a tape in 90 minutes (or 120 minutes, depending on what type of tape you buy). Suggested songs include: "Back in Black" by AC/DC, "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister, "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC, "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" by the Beastie Boys, "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC, "Photograph" by Def Leppard, and, well, anything else by AC/DC. Under no circumstances should you include "Barely Breathing" by Duncan Sheik, "Lady In Red" by Chris DeBurgh, "San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hair)" by some wussy guy from the '60s, or anything by Jewel. A mix tape with just the right songs on it will put you in the right frame of mind to hang out at a tailgate for two hours and then yell at pansy-ass Harvard students for at least three more hours after that.

2. Booze, and lots of it. Although drinking on the road is bad, drinking at the game can be tons of fun, as I found out at The Game '96. During the third quarter, I drank a fifth of something called "Old Grand-Dad," and during the fourth quarter, I asked a girl I really liked if she would "hooch me for three dollars." She never spoke to me again, and on the ride back, I puked in a Burger King bathroom. So be sure to pack lots of liquor.

3. Road games. There are many fun games you can play on the way up to Harvard. One good one is "Ford Tempo," in which you and your carmates see who can spot the highest number of butt-ugly, rust-spotted, 1986 Ford Tempos. Another good one is "Dodge Omni," which is like "Ford Tempo," but different.

4. Blue paint. Painting yourself blue is cool. You might want to bring some white paint, too, so the big blue "Harvard Eats Pig Balls" that you and your 18 closest friends paint on your chests at The Game stands out and is more visible from the Harvard side of the stands.

5. Maps. While New Haven is America's first planned city, the streets of Boston were plotted out by a drunk, dyslexic sociopath. None of them go anywhere, and the ones that do don't go back to the highway. Since Cambridge is comprised entirely of Starbucks Coffee outlets, it's impossible to use landmarks to obtain a sense of direction. If you attempt to drive through Boston to Cambridge without a map, you'll start to feel like Chevy Chase in the London roundabout scene of National Lampoon's European Vacation ("Look, kids, Big Ben!"). If you stop to get out and ask for directions, your car will get stolen by punks from Southie. So, for the love of God, bring a map.

6. A big can of whoopass. To be busted open on Harvard during the game. This is not optional.

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