Davenport

Look out for coed innertube waterpolo with returning captain Lincoln "The Unsinkable" Else '99. With its elaborate system of team communication, including, but not limited to, hand signals, sexual innuendo, facial contortions, and Pig Latin, this innertube waterpolo squad has reached new levels of team bondage. If you're looking for a good time, or maybe just looking to check out some scantily-clad Adonis-esque D-porters, don't miss out on this year's innertube games.

Another place to be if you enjoy watching the other 11 residential colleges get brutally crushed by your mother D-port is late night at Ingalls Rink. Captain Cody "The Hottie" Johnson '99 has been overheard in the D-port dining hall making some pretty bold statements about the upcoming season. And there is no doubt D-port will deliver, since the BDs have graciously agreed not to schedule a concert on the night of the championships.

All in all, this winter season is shaping up well, but for our potential to be realized, each and every D-porter must be committed to our common goal of complete and absolute domination. Or at least come out and have fun; we don't really care as long as you show up to all the mandatory practices.

(Compiled by a squirrel nut zipper with help from the Gnome.)

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