Calhoun

Calhoun has been hanging around the top four all season, but the time has come for the 'Houn to make its patented midseason charge. It all starts with men's soccer, which proved with its 5-0 win over TD that it plays better with nine players. But, those players are the nine most talented players in the world (they could beat the U.S. World Cup team anyway). Nobody boasts more talent than Rasika "Does Ras get the ladies? Hell yeah!" Jayasekera '99. The Ras, as he likes to be called, can only be stopped by his contacts falling out of his eyes on headers. Close behind The Ras are sophomores Matthew "My car seats eight so all you suckasses can bow down" Shaddock and J.J. "Dy-no-mite" Olukotun.

Men's soccer isn't all the 'Houn has, though. You want to talk about volleyball? I'll give you volleyball. How about those freshmen, Josh "I'm tall, I'm good, back the hell up" Kriegman? Jocelyn "Lynn" Lin? Throw in some seasoned veterans like Aubrey "Jerry Schwartz" Jennings '01 and Jacob "I'm glad I didn't sever my thumb" Wouden '99, and look out.

And what about men's football? How can anyone bet against Jerad "I wear" Beltz "to keep my pants up" '00 and John "Always Buster" Hyman '01? You simply can't. So I'm betting on the 'Houn to go all the way. After all, they have Ugo Ude '01.

(Compiled by a Calhoun IM secretary with a compulsive gambling problem.)

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