Liberating Yale from the cable monopoly

The card says...
    By Dave Oppenheim

Yale has often been criticized for pushing its students toward corporate America. Despite what Undergraduate Careers in Investment Banking Services may claim, there is a great deal of truth in that charge. In defense of the University, however, UCS really cannot help but endorse the corporate mentality; Yale knows no other.

The fact that the University views its students primarily as a source of current and future revenue is evident. I wasn't even a senior when I got my first letter saying that I would be "expected" to contribute $5,000 a year for the first five years after I graduated. It is no coincidence that one of the highest-paying student jobs is to telemarket—to be one of those evil, slimy creatures who call you during dinner and won't go away until you either agree to give them your house or slice your phone cord in half with a machete. When leeching Yale alumni doesn't satisfy the University's avarice, however, it takes the next logical step: squeezing its future alumni.

Yale's bloodletting process is done systematically. First the University probes the surface of your pocket by charging the highest application fee in the free world. Then the brush attachment comes off and the vacuum hose is jammed all the way down the pant legs of accepted students and their families through tuition and room-and-board costs. And just when students are saying, "Ah, that wasn't so bad," the special attachment head is put on to search for any loose change that may have found its way into previously unexplored areas.

The most recent example of Yale's roto-rooter approach is the cheery way the University welcomed students back from break: taking away half our cable channels. Before the guy assigned to write the irate letter in response to this column wets his pants with glee over my ignorance, I should explain that I realize that, technically, Yale University is not responsible for cable television. I know this based on the snide response I got when I asked President Levin, GRD '74, last year if he could do something about my reception. The money that we are being asked to fork over to ransom the hostage channels goes to Comcast, not Yale. The University should, however, be the one doing the forking.

One reason that the University should foot the bill for continuing the cable package from first semester is simply that it's the right thing to do. This is true on many levels. First of all, as noted before, students pay enough to be here. There ought to be some fringe benefits. Also, the channels that were blocked out are an interesting choice. Now, at the greatest educational institution in the world, students can't get the Learning Channel or the History Channel, but they can still catch Piranha Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death on the USA Network.

The manner in which Comcast and Yale performed their double-team on unsuspecting students is sketchy at best. True, the hapless Yale College Council announced that our cable packages would not include MTV, CNN, and ESPN when it first attempted to take credit for the advent of legal cable. Since they're the YCC, however, nobody really took them seriously. Then, Comcast announced it would suspend certain channels after October unless students paid off the company. When that didn't happen, we assumed that justice had prevailed. We had merely underestimated our adversaries, however. Rather than cut off our service while we were around to complain about it, Comcast did it while we were shoveling snow in Chicago or waiting for a tow truck on the Dan Ryan Expressway. Then, the company assumed that we would be too busy with things like "classes" and "applying to law school" to notice. A nice try.

Another big reason the University should pay Comcast to continue full cable service for students is that we already paid for it. Anybody living in quads paid $800 for four Internet connections, a phone line, and cable. The Internet connections ran for $90 apiece last year, meaning $360 for a room of four students. (Students who don't have computers get to experience the University vacuum's Talon^TM attachment since they have to pay for an internet connection anyway.) That leaves $440 for the phone and cable. The phone was another $250. Spreading the remaining $190 over the nine months that we are here means that students are paying approximately $21 per month for cable. Comcast wants to charge us $17 more—a total of $38 per month. At home, when I am not shoveling snow, I am watching "Digital Cable," which includes about 500 channels (43 movie channels)—a service for which we pay $29 a month. Clearly, Comcast and Yale are already ripping us off for our measly 61 channels.

Finally, there are health reasons why the University should not have let the blockout of '99 occur. Specifically, I should not have to be outside in subzero weather setting up a cable splice. But I will. And this is why taking away cable is a dumb idea. It is why, in fact, the University and Comcast initially set up their deal to bring cable to student rooms, YCC pronouncements notwithstanding. Students here are reasonably intelligent. We know how easy it is to get around certain restrictions, such as the ones on cable. We therefore will simply use other means to obtain our Match Game '74 fix. Neither Comcast nor Yale will make a dime. And the University will be forced to stick its evil vacuum cleaner somewhere else.

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