A perfect fit: Yale and the Y2K apocalypse

By David Wertime

We should all surf the Internet more. Sure, everybody loves the Internet, but most people go to the same five or 10 sites every time, which defeats the meaning of the term "surf." But surfing can be rewarding for those of us with the courage to try. For instance, just a few nights ago I decided to explore this cyber-universe, and right away I stumbled onto several webpages devoted to the Y2K problem.

The "Y2K problem," of course, refers to the malfunctions which many of the world's computers will experience when the year 2000 hits. To save memory, programmers encoded computers' internal clocks to record dates using only two digits for days, months, and years. So when the year 2000 arrives, computers will see only "00" and read it as "1900." Fixing this little bug is costing billions of dollars worldwide, and when the new millennium hits, some of our computers will screw up. Since everything is run by computers, the world's economies could experience anything from a small hiccup to an outright shutdown—accompanied by the requisite fire and brimstone. The mammoth scope of this global collapse is detailed in full at www.Y2K.com. This site is notable not only for its horrific tales of the impending Fire Next Time, but also for the main page's unsubtle graphic, which depicts a bold, fiery red "2000" set against an alarm clock going up in flames. It's quite a sight.

Although it's hard to ignore the obvious irony of a website devoted to telling us our computers aren't going to work in another 10 months, such pieces of cyber-silliness speak to a genuine and perhaps legitimate fear that strikes close to the hearts of many. It's scary that your bank might go under or that you might get charged $1.34 for that $.99 Whopper, and it's frustrating that we've invested so much of our society in machines that were actually programmed not to take us into the 21st century.

Still, the cynic in me wants to have a field day with all of this. If what I've read is true, the Y2K issue has already provided the grounds for divorces, nervous breakdowns, and various predictions of war, famine, and rioting. Although all of these unfortunate events would probably have occurred with or without the Y2K problem, a computer bug seems to be one of the least compelling reasons we could have invented. Although it seems a bit farfetched, I now think that all, or at least most, of the world's ills can be traced to the Y2K problem. In all honesty, there is something fascinating and even attractive about the prospect of such a grandiose event. It gives us all an excuse to schlep out to the 7-Eleven to stock up on emergency canned goods and chat with our doomed neighbors while we're waiting in line. It also allows us to toss those mundane world issues on the back burner because, really, will it matter that the ruble is worthless once our computers have forgotten how to add?

As the Utne Reader points out, after a good dose of mass hysteria "our communities will become safer, more intimate, more resilient, more neighborly places to live." That hasn't happened during past global catastrophes, but who are we to question the printed word?

And if any community needs some good, old-fashioned, turn-of-the-millennium healing, it's Yale. We've been struggling with many troubling issues lately and trying to reach some sort of internal resolution, but in doing so we've lost sight of a fundamental truth: Yale's computers have the Y2K bug too. But, in yet another unseemly blunder, the Administration has decided to fix this problem rather than simply respecting the natural order of things.

So—right here, right now, I am issuing an edict to the Yale Administration: leave the Y2K problem alone. It's just what we need to unify our campus and focus our collective attention away from more complex and therefore less entertaining problems. All of a sudden, many tricky questions will have easy answers. That 27-page English paper will remain incomplete due to computer failure, those Christmas cards will languish unsent due to a rebellion of postal workers angry with their broken computers, and the city of New Haven will find itself in dire financial straits thanks to nothing more than a broken Fleet ATM.

In a world devoid of easy answers, we should celebrate even when a "problem" like Y2K comes along. In a community which could stand to be a little "safer" and probably "more intimate" as well, we can ill afford to overlook this opportunity. So write to President Richard Levin, GRD '74! Demand that we bring Y2K back!

David Wertime is a sophomore in Morse.

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