Smack Zone

Ax
This is ridiculous. Morris is a chick, for cryin' out loud. And Goldenberg is from Alabama. Losing to those two is like the Undertaker getting the crap beat out of him by Bill Gates. I finally made a little dough last week, and Super Bowl Sunday should usher in a new era of Smack: the Ax era. The Falcons got lucky against the Vikes, but lightning won't strike twice. Denver will wring those Dirty Bird necks by six ($2,500). Look for TD to gain at least 135 yards ($1,000) and live up to his nickname by scoring at least once ($1,000). Men's squash will sweep all three matches on Saturday ($500 each) and Morse B-hoops will annihilate Stiles ($1,000). Oh, and $5 says I'm better than Louis at FIFA. Last Week: +$1,000 Current Balance: $1,000.

Goldenberg
Let me tell you a little bit about UAB: the Blazers have speed; the Blazers have talent; the Blazers have Aaron's V-card. And on Saturday, the Blazers will have their sweet way with Cincinnati ($2,000). After basking in their glory, I'll then wake up just in time to watch Denver take it somewhere besides by three points, Al, as Hotlanta gets another reason to party ($2,000). Speaking of Carl's mom, watch for Cornell and Colgate to go down like the proverbial monsoons this weekend ($1,000 each). Women's hockey will beat an Ivy opponent, sometime ($1). Sorry, Gulka. Last Week: -$496 Current Balance: $3,504.

Morris
Hi, I'm Aaron Zamost and I'm still carrying my V-card, yo! Moving past our Herald frustrations. Looks like the Herald sports bitches are gonna take a beating from a girl. It's finally time to make the Bowl bet, and although it's not the same without the Jets, I'm putting my money on Denver to rock the Falcons ($1,500). Since that's a pretty cushy bet, I'll say Denver takes it by more than 3 points ($500). I'll keep my faith in men's hockey and say they'll pick up a win in their next battle ($1,000), and the Z-man will pick up a hottie ($1)--cha, as if! Let's remember this is Yale, even if it is the Z-man. Last Week: +$2,500 Current Balance: $4,500

Guest Carl Bialik
Fresh off a second-place finish last semester (unlike some people, I didn't bet the farm that I'd place in the top three), I'm back in Smack and ready to teach these jokers the ways of the sports world. Let's start with football: I don't know which Broncos The Ax saw, but I saw scared little boys. The Dirty Birds will peck their eyes out ($2,000), as Jamal rushes for 100 yards ($500). In Yale action, men's hockey will upset Colgate in its quest for a home playoff series ($1,000). Finally, Saybrook's undefeated B-hoopsters may feel confident now, but JE's young squad will roll over them on the way to shirts ($500). Last Week: +$2,505 Current Balance: $5,505

Carl Bialik is the executive editor of the Herald

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